Archives for "Next Food Network Star"

Another week, another predictable episode of Next Food Network Star! Ready for the recap? Let’s do this.

For the camera challenge, the final 5 had to find their favorite food at Chelsea Market – and then film a 2-minute “Best Thing I Ever Ate” segment about it. Or as I like to call it, “That Show Where Food Network Chefs Go On TV And Pimp Restaurants Owned By Their Friends Under The Guise Of It Being The Best Thing They Ever Ate.” Bitch please. I know how the world works.

After they ran around and stuffed themselves with food, blogger Marybeth explained, “Talking about food is a critical skill because the viewers can’t lick the television.” And might I say THANK GOD for that, Mary Beth. It’s like I always say:

The crew headed to the set of The Best Thing I Ever Ate… which was basically just an empty room with a white screen and a stool. Wow. A dream come true.

Susie and Whitney just rattled off all the ingredients in their favorite Chelsea Market dishes, without really talking about what they tasted like. Jeff (the one who is clearly going to win the whole show) did well, but Vic bombed in front of the camera (as usual). And Marybeth (who has never made a whole duck, or so she reminded us 200 times tonight) just thought she was there to audition for a porno.

I was really excited about this week’s elimination challenge, because it involved something very near and dear to my heart: MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE… aka, ROASTING. Basically, the finalists prepared meals and then served them to a crew of “comics” who were supposed to hilariously “roast them” during their presentations. Unfortunately, it ended up being THE WORST ROAST EVER, and it was a total fail on Food Network’s part. Jokes? WHAT JOKES? There weren’t any! And there was no roasting! The roast was completely roastless! Ooh, Gilbert Godfried called Whitney a “soulless flesh eating zombie” because she served pig. How menacing!

You want a roast? Here’s what the “comics” should have said:

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If you’ve watched even one episode of Next Food Network Star (sorry, I know it’s just “Food Network Star” now but I refuse to drop the “Next” because I think it’s idiotic to change the name of a show after 7 seasons without even acknowledging it or explaining why to the public), you know Susie Fogelson constantly spews out the weirdest, most random contradictions to the contestants while judging their performances.  If it leaves all of us confused while watching at home, imagine what the contestants on the show must have been going through.

FNH reader Patrick decided to start a new meme called ADVICE FOGELSON, based on the blatant contradictions Fogelson dishes out on the show. Patrick and I created a few to get you started, but leave your suggestions in the comments – or use the blank image below and email us the results – and we’ll feature the best of your submissions in a post next week. Enjoy!

Ah yes. Another week, another predictable elimination on Next Food Network Star!

This week, the final 6 made the cross-country trek to New York City, where the rest of the competition will play out. For the first challenge, Bobby Flay asked the finalists to create “themselves in a cupcake.” And guess who stopped by to act as the guest judge for the day? That’s right! The lovely and talented Ina Garten!

As soon as Whitney saw Ina Garten, she immediately burst into tears. So either she was star-struck by Ina, or she spotted a traumatizing giant wrinkle in Ina’s black shent from across the room. We may never know.

After Ina gushed over her coconut almond cupcake, which was apparently a staple at the now defunct Barefoot Contessa specialty shop, the finalists whipped up some of the nastiest “cupcakes” I’ve ever seen. Jeff made a sandwich cupcake and used every deli lunch meat known to man, while Susie actually incorporated duck confit into her cupcake. Can we get a ruling from the judges here?

If there was a plus side to any of this, it’s that Jeff’s meat cupcake caused Bob Tuschman to do this on television. Ah yes, the GIF that keeps on giving:

Ina enjoyed Marybeth’s strawberry cupcake, and said she’d “download her recipe.” Way to seem like you’re down with the lingo, Ina. But you download music. You download games.  And your husband probably downloads porn. But you don’t DOWNLOAD a recipe. You simply VIEW IT on a WEBSITE. Gosh. Do we have to tell you everything?

Next up, the crew headed to the Rachael Ray show to compete in their elimination challenge. The task was to recreate traditional family dinners while fielding questions from Rachael Ray’s studio audience of bored housewives… all while Bob, Susie, and Bobby Flay sat scrunched on top of each other judging them from a couch in the back room. Um, hey. Whatever floats your “Food Network Family” boat, guys.

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Another week, another craptacular episode of Next Food Network Star! This week marked the half-way point of the competition (that’s it?!) and two people were sent packing at the end of the episode. Who were they? Keep readin’ and find out!

The show kicked off with Bobby Flay asking the 8 remaining contestants to prepare their (buzzword alert!) signature dishes for the judges. Bobby Flay also gave each person a brief critique, and told them what tweaks and improvements they should make to their personalities in order to be successful on-camera convince Susie Fogelson they’re capable of selling millions of dollars of hard anodized cookware at Target.

Flay told Whitney to “make it personal” and instructed Jeff to “warm himself up.” He asked Marybeth to talk less, and asked Jyll to do something to “surprise him.” I mean really, how does one even surprise Bobby Flay these days? By jumping out from behind a stack of poblano peppers and screaming “boo?”

Jyll’s “surprise” can only be described as an “epic fail.” Once on camera, she started talking about her beef carpaccio and then, mid-sentence, started screaming “NO! DON’T CHANGE THE CHANNEL! RAW BEEF IS NOT SCARY!” Wow. I was surprised, all right, but only by how corny her performance was.

Whitney was the best performer of the challenge. She talked about throwing a fake dinner party for a bunch of fake sorority sisters, and Tuschman said it just warmed her right up. Fogelson even flashed her infamous, sparkly money glimmer. Or maybe it was just the lights in the studio reflecting off of her fugly jacket. I can’t be sure.

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