The Hosts
.
 |
AARON MCCARGO JR Winner of the Next Food Network Star and host of Big Daddy’s House. Likes: oversized gold hoop earrings and the taste of hospital food. Dislikes proper pronunciation and basic grammar. |
 |
ADAM GERTLER Known to most as “The Guy Who Should Have Won Next Food Network Star.” He lost to Aaron McCargo, but what the hell! Let’s give him a show anyway! “Will Work For Food” premieres in January 09. |
 |
AIDA MOLLENKAMP If you need answers to the most basic, obvious questions (”Can I zest an orange?”)… ASK AIDA. |
 |
ALTON BROWN The smartest man on the Food Network. Says “UHH” a lot. Can cook a 25-lb turkey using only candles and old mirrors. |
 |
BOBBY FLAY Hot tempered host of “Throwdown With Bobby Flay,” “Grill It! With Bobby Flay,” and 92 other virtually identical shows with “Bobby Flay” in the title. One of those guys who must be referred to with his first AND last name. Try just calling him “Bobby.” It’s like trying to eat just one Lays potato chip: you can’t. |
 |
DUFF GOLDMAN Host of “Ace Of Cakes.” Rarely seen actually doing any work. Has only one laugh, and Food Network plays it loudly whenever possible. |
 |
GIADA DE LAURENTIIS If her grandparents weren’t famous, Giada probably would have ended up working as a Hooters girl or a sorority house mother. Makes the same three recipes every episode. Overannunciates every word. No one needs to smile that much while mincing garlic, especially if you have a freakishly large animal mouth. |
 |
GUY FIERI Wears sunglasses on the back of his head 24/7 and thinks it makes him look cool. Can only eat at “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” because more upscale restaurants would mistake him for the dishwasher. |
 |
INA GARTEN Always throwing parties so she can buy more friends in the Hamptons. Has a huge collection of oversized denim shirts. Husband Jeffrey never grows tired of playing second fiddle to her zucchini garden. |
 |
THE NEELYS These two need to get a room. I’m here to watch a cooking show – not see how many sexual innuendos they can make up about cucumbers. |
 |
PAULA DEEN Her kitchen costs more than your house. She’s rumored to occasionally wear a wig made entirely of butter, y’all. |
 |
RACHAEL RAY Once sang karaoke alone in Hawaii on $40 a day and was ignored by the crowd – and that says more than we ever could. |
 |
SANDRA LEE Two words: HIDEOUS TABLESCAPES. Her heart pumps 70% ice cold Russian vodka and 30% blood – thus rendering her SEMI-HUMAN. Unable to restrain herself from adding extract to store-bought frosting. |
 |
TYLER FLORENCE Tyler says “off the charts” more often than Madonna’s topped them. We once counted 5,235 “off the charts” in one episode. Andrew Zimmern thinks he’s the “least talented chef” on TV. |
.
.
3 Trackback(s)
- Jul 20, 2009: Overnight Cinnamon Rolls, Take 2 « Slice of Sueshe
- Nov 4, 2009: Which TV cook/chef would you like to SLAP AROUND? - Food and Drink - cooking, cuisine, meat, vegetables, restaurants, diet, prices, allergies... - Page 16 - City-Data Forum
- Nov 5, 2009: Food Network junkies - Southern Maryland Community Forums
Excellent website! I love it. Sandra Lee is definitely part vanilla ‘Aiiiiigstract.”
Sandra Lee: Notice whenever a word has an “L” in it, whether the L is the first letter or any other letter in the word, Sandra Lee streeeetches the L sound out. It’s so incredibly obnoxious. “You’re just going to lllllllllove these.” “And just pllllllllace them on the plate like this.” “They’ll hold up a llllllllong time in the freezer.” Listen for it. You’ll want to shoot her after you hear it a few times. Also, what’s with the tablescapes? The premise of her show, “semi homemade” is to be quick cooking for busy working people. So busy working people are going to stop at the crafts store to make these gaudy, ridiculous tablescapes? Hmmmm, ok.
Ina Garten: “It’s got great flavor.” Can she say this any more often and any more boringly?
Bobby Flay: This guy actually seems pretty down to earth to me, believe it or not. I know some people think he’s arrogant or cocky, but I don’t get that at all from him.
Rachel Ray: Speak to us like you’re speaking to a classroom of kindergartners! However, she comes off in a pretty genuine way, as opposed to Giada…
Giada: Pretentious, self-conscious/camera-conscious little snob. You can just so easily picture how her whole demeanor changes from happy and sweet to B_ _ _ _ whenever the camera ISN’T rolling.
Sunny Anderson: Is she getting fatter and fatter?
Alton Brown: Yeah, right, ok, he’s smart. But is his campy demeanor annoying to ANYONE else after all these years??? The first couple years was fine. But after all this time? Come on, people.
Emeril: Is it just me, or does this guy butcher the English language almost every time he speaks (kind of like President Bush). “We’re going to begin to start to render the bacon…” Really, Emeril? “Begin to start?”
The Neelys: Yes, they need to get a room. But they seem genuine and pretty cool.
Michael Chiarello: Is he gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but what’s the deal? He seems so gay, yet wears a wedding ring.
Anne Burrel: She has her charms.
Guy Fieri: His lingo is pretty stupid, but he has his charms.
Alexandra Guarnaschelli: Can’t stand her, but can’t quite put my finger on the reason. I think it’s seeing her judge in “Chopped.” She just takes the whole thing a bit too seriously, and seems like a snooty little snob.
Cat Cora: I like Cat Cora.
Mario Batali: One of the most down to earth guys on the network.
Tyler Florence: This guy is extremely boring and needs to be off the Network already.
Aaron McCargo JR: Another one of the most down to earth guys on the network.
Michael Simon: Another one of the most down to earth guys on the network.
Melissa d’Arabian: Probably a nice person, but not my thing.
So i agree with most of your analysis, Adam, but there’s a few I’d like to change… Here’s my list:
Sandra lee: My lllllllllleast favorite chef on the entire netowrk. First off, some of the stuff she says is just flat out wrong, though i can’t think of any examples at the moment. She has some of the worst ideas of anyone i’ve seen on the network and the stuff she tries seems pain gross. She also uses lemon and lime juice from a bottle, which is not only less flavor, but at the rate she uses lemon juice, it seems like it would cost a lot less to just buy lemons. Second, where does she come up with the prices on her newer show: MMMMMMMMMMMMMoney Saving Meals (she does it with Ms too.) She acts as though every item ever has the same price no matter where you buy it (both from varying stores to parts of the country). MMMMMMMMMMMMMMoney Saving Meals is just an excuse to give Sandra an extra block during the day, probably to take up time. It’s the same as her other show, only with made up prices. Last, i’d like to point out that she usually doesn’t taste her own food, but when it comes to “cocktail time” she always has a minute to taste it and comment on how delicious it is. also, tablescapes… that’s all i feel i have to say about that. I feel bad for her family, though with names like “Brycer” and “Kimber” (nephew and sister, respectively) i feel bad for them regardless.
Now that that rant is over… the rest of them will be shorter.
Ina: Not only does she say “it’s got great flavor” a lot, but keep an ear out for “how simple is that”, you might want to punch something every time she says it. I know i do. Also, she’ll mention to use GOOD [ingredient] in a dish, and follow it up nearly always with “it makes a huge difference”. Thanks Ina, i wouldn’t have guessed that a better version of ingredient would make it any better.
Bobby: I’ve heard a lot of contrasting things about Flay. Some people say he’s down to earth, some say he’s a complete tool. He has some interesting ideas, but not a whole lot of personality. I’ve heard on Throwdown he deliberately pulls back his ability, to give the other chef a chance. I’ve noticed he’ll occasionally do something to give himself less of a chance to win: in some of them he’ll know beforehand (since it’s his show) that the judging will be on authenticity to a dish, and then flat out say that he’s not doing something the authentic way. Also, watch his reaction when he wins on Throwdown. Every time he’ll shake his head and make up some excuse that he “got lucky” or something and just flat out say that the other chef’s was better. Why make a show about challenging people when you hate to lose? Why hold back if it’s a competition? Why not just make a show about suggesting good food/restaraunts to people? Flay is an enigma to me.
Rachel Ray: she’s going to lose her voice any day now, you can tell in every episode, so what does food network think is the logical thing to do? Give her a talk show of course. Her ‘teaching’ style is a bit underwhelming, but she has good ideas sometimes. Her style of naming everything in her own way is annoying too. “stoups/stewps” and stuff… it’s a little too much for me. She’s nothing on the level of Sandra in my book, and i even occasionally like to watch her show, but she’s nowhere near my favorite.
Giada: I. HATE. THIS. B****. There, i said it. She puts the wrong emphasis on every syllable. i hate that she uses the Italian pronunciation of every ingredient. I hate how she pronounces anything with an “SH” sound in it, Every time she says prosciutto i want to throw something at my TV, and she says it a lot.
Sunny: I like her personality sometimes. I saw a new episode today (had a different intro) and she actually seemed a bit thinner than usual, but i could have just been seeing things. I’ve made some of her recipes and they’re not that bad. In my book, shes a peg or two above Rachel.
Alton: Being a kid who grew up on stuff like “Bill Nye: The Science Guy” and “Beakman’s World”, I really like Alton. The nerd in me is at peace when i watch Good Eats. He says “UHH” a lot, i agree, but i can get past that. Alton is my favorite by far, also i’ve tried lots of his recipes from FN.com or just straight off of the show, and they were all delicious.
Emeril: I’m a little wavy on Emeril. I’m not really sure how to react to him… He has some good ideas, but he does butcher the english language. His personality is weird and every time i hear “AND THEN!!!” coming from the TV, i make a fist and think ‘Shut up and cook. Stop trying to be goofy.’
The Neely’s: Everyone else has covered these guys enough for me to skip them and just say i agree.
Michael Chiarello: my girlfriend tries SO HARD to try and convince me he isn’t gay, but i just can’t comprehend. he looks, acts, and talks like he is, and we know how well that theory works with ducks. Regardless, i don’t mind his show, his ideas and recipes are interesting at best. I hate how he pronounces the sound of the letter L sometimes though.
Anne Burrel: She’s alright, i haven’t caught her solo cooking show enough to get a good feel for her personality and cooking style. Her teaching style on Worst Cooks is a little like Rachel Ray’s, It’s like she’s talking to first graders. “What color are those shrimp now? huh? That’s right! They’re white! Very good!” Though to be fair, the cooking ability of the students almost warrants it. I don’t hate her, but i won’t go as far as to say i really like watching her.
Guy: I’ll be honest, and i think i’m in the minority when i say i don’t like him one bit. He tries WAY too hard to be the ‘Rad, Wacky, Out of control, really cool guy’. His lingo makes me angry, his cooking style isn’t my favorite, his personality is just dripping with “WHOA! Check out how wacky i’m being now! It’s so out of place but so cool!” (you know he’s saying that to himself at every moment.) He even went, to try and seem cool, as far as to name his children “Hunter” and “Ryder” (yes, it’s with a ‘y’), And i swear that on the TV in the background of Big Bite, it’s videos of him snowboarding/surfing/hunting/doing what cool guys do, as if to say “HEY! LOOK AT ME! I’M INTENSE AND YOU KNOW IT!”
Guarnaschelli: She totally takes everything way too seriously. On chopped, when she’s judging something and someone talks at any time, she gives this ridiculous look that just screams “What did you just say to me, B****? I am a WAY better cook than you, don’t even consider talking to me.” She just seems uptight and high-and-mighty, but that might just be me.
Cora: don’t see enough (really any) of her outside of ICA, so i can’t get a feel for her. no comment.
Batali: He seems really down to earth and cool. Get rid of the crocs though.
Tyler: I like the show, i don’t really like him. his style and personality are just slow and uncomfortable to watch. His food is usually delicious though. My girlfriend LOVES him and tells me often that she would leave me for him at a moment’s notice, given the chance. I don’t get it.
Aaron: seems cool. havent tried his recipes, but they sound delicious.
Michael Simon: I don’t like his accent, really. Other than that i like him.
Melissa: I liked her in next FN star, though totally wanted the other guy (Jeffrey) to win. She seems like the perfect person to have a show since all her cooking is home taught for home cooks. Haven’t seen much of her show though.
Paula: Also butchers the english language, though her food is also delicious.
Aida: something about her i don’t like. can’t place it though.
Duff: i’m nearly 100% positive that the whole bakery team takes every off-camera opportunity to smoke weed. I like Duff, if only for the occasional neat cake they design.
Mark Summers: Not discussed yet, He’s the dude from Unwrapped. My inner child wants to like him from memories long past of Double Dare on nickelodeon (he was the host) but i don’t like how he does Unwrapped, nor do i like that they have to put 2 episodes back to back every time it comes on. The way he speaks, like how he puts a brief pause before the last one or two words at the end of almost every sentence, is annoying. Nearly every sentence is said in the exact same way… I just don’t like it.
I was sent a link to this site, I’ve only watched a total of 2 hours of food network ever (on business trips), and I have a suggestion for you-all: throw the TV out the window, get in the kitchen and start cooking.
While it’s true that FN stars are annoying, and often, they do teach a lot of interesting and useful information. It’s not as though i sit there and say to myself “Man… if only i could cook, i would make this and it would be delicious.” not at all. I watch it to get ideas for new dishes and to learn what can be prepared in however many different ways and what flavors blend well together.
INA GARTEN is a snob!! I hate how she says that you need good vanilla extract, yeah yeah we all know you have $$$$$$$. I wish she would overdose on her own “good extract”. I hate her stupid laugh ahuhu ahuhuh ahuhu, irritating! Her husbands a idiot! With all her money why doesn’t she buy new clothes and lose weight! Brag brag brag! Always acts like her friends have no clue on how to throw a party! Come on, quit acting like they just arrived on earth!
I don’t know who is more irritating her or Giada(square mouth herself)!!!!!!
“her husbands A idiot”??? Who is the idiot?? Learn proper English grammar if you want to be a critic. Idiot!
Love the site, the bios are the best part! L O L
This is hysterical! I was making a comment about Ina and that her only friends were gay guys who couldn’t get along without her cooking and she recommended this site! How funny this is! I’ve RSSed it! Keep it up, these comments are right on target! Couldn’t have said many of them any better.
Signed,
A confessed foodie
This is great! I’m so glad you started this site. I watch Food Network every day and I love it but I still love to laugh at ‘em.
Word on The Neelys bio. I can’t stand watching their show because Gina feels the need to cram as many double entendres and sexual innuendos as she can in an episode. Their poor daughters, man.
And I just had a discussion about that Adam guy with my sister last night. While he was an engaging personality, he couldn’t be engaging and cook at the same time. So he lost and Aaron won. And while I’m no Aaron fan and don’t expect Big Daddy’s House to last (Big Daddy is who you call your pimp or whoever owns you in prison and Big Daddy’s House sounds like a porno), I’d be kind of peeved if I were him, to have gone through all of that to win the big prize and the one who lost to me gets the big prize, too.
You forgot Robin Miller. She makes half-assed attempts at ethnic food, and calls everything “rustic”.
Rachael Ray got where she is because of pure luck in her association with Oprah, but does have a talent for making cooking approachable. This is totally countered by her drooling greed and dishonest ambition. I haven’t been able to watch her for that rare diamond in a coal mine in quite some time. She has the fake smile of an old hooker without the benefits.
Even though his stint with Food Network has not been renewed, it just wouldn’t be the same without a small shout out for Mario Batali and his orange crocs.
I know I miss big Mario as well! A real pro…
You forgot Sunny Anderson, she of fake tabby weave.
I love the whole concept of your site. No other foodie English major has noted the misspelled disclaimer at the bottom of the screen “”We are not assicoated with The Food Network”? Or perhaps it’s intentional?
Thanks for bringing that to our attention, Spork! It was a typo, and it’s been fixed.
Love this site! I just spent the past hour reading everything and can’t stop laughing!
Oh,I am in pain from laughing! Your whole website is “spot on” from beginning to end and written with enough familiarity for everyone to know you have to be a huge FN fan to get all this perfectly correct. I’ll be back for more….thanks for the funstuff!!!
Lol…Oh my god this is the best!!! I have laughed my ass off!!! I love the bios, it is just insane!! Keep it up guys!!!!
hey, Wikipedia says that Guy Fieri’s name is actually Ferry, but he changed it. What a wanker.
Well, wouldn’t you if you had a name like that? I mean John Cleese’s father changed his name to Cleese when it was really Cheese.
Where has this website been all my life? I love it. I fell out of my chair with the Alton Brown and Giada bio. Love you guys.
LOL at the Robin Miller comment by CEE about her stuff being “half-assed at ethnic food” haha *high five* and yeah I love this website, it’s HILARIOUS.. and I thought I was the only one who noticed all those lame-o quirks those chefs and people have haha…
LMAO this is so funny and so true! I love the food network, not a food snob and love this humor cause it’s actually true. *grinning ear to ear like Giada*
This was so fun to find. Actually got here from Food Network itself – yes, its my homepage… Not sure I totally agree with the whole Tyler Florence ego stuff, but you are right about $80 for a frickkin casserole! LOL.
Love Rachael, worried about her health. I think she looks fake cuz she’s in trouble.
But beyond that, your daytime drama stuff totally cracked me up. BTW, I do believe Guy Fieri’s name is actually Guido Fieri. Might be spelling that last name wrong. Hey, I’m Scottish, not Italian.
Foodies RULE!!!!!!
I had not seen Tyler F for a few years and saw him recently. My lord, his head has become a big, fat, unstructure swollen mess with eyes hanging off the sides! I almost sent him money to cure that. What happened? How did he become a tub o’ goo??
I had not seen Tyler F for a few years and saw him recently. My lord, his head has become a big, fat, unstructured swollen mess with eyes hanging off the sides! I almost sent him money to cure that. What happened? How did he become a tub o’ goo??
Does Guy Fieri know something that I don’t? He keeps telling me to ‘look at the flavors’ he’s cooking. He either knows how to tase with his corneas or his food could kill me if I ate it. He doesn’t need that on his conscience too.
On this week’s Sandra Lee Money Saving Meals, she raves about the fabulous flavor that SALT gives to food. What a ninny.
What’s next Aunt Sandy, telling me that coupons are free and will save me money?
I just watched the show (in rerun from yesterday) from start to finish (UGH). Nevermind the food. To cook her “money saving” meals, she used the following: All Clad saucier, saute pan, large sauce pan, and the large pasta pot; net cost about $1000. Then she used a food processor at a cost of about $200. I don’t know where she came up with that onion chopper thing except during late night tv (”but wait! there’s more!!) at a cost of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling). Then there’s the mini blender for her money saving garlic chopping, probably another $20 bucks. The calphalon slow cooker retails for about $150. So just in cookware and appliances, she’s up to about $1400. If she (or FN) want to make a point of saving money, how about taking out a knife to manually slice and chop and then use pots and pans from WalMart? And if you don’t have alot of money, what up with cooking a dessert that cost more than the freakin dinners? I don’t get it. I really don’t.
me and my husband just sat here and read almost the entire website!
AWESOME
WHO EVER MADE THIS WEBSITE IS A LOSER AND EVERYONE THAT COMES ON THIS WEBSITE AND ACTUALLY READ EVERYTHING ON HERE IS A LOSER…U CAN’T STAND THE PEOPLE ON THE FOOD NETWORK AND YET YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE A WEBSITE AND TALK ABOUT EVERY PERSON ON THERE I THINK YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS AND NEED TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR TIME
RE: THIS WEBSITE SUCKS!!!!!!
Uh, Oh, looks like someone hit a nerve with one of the FN “chefs”! My guess is Rachel Ray.
What’s your point, Sucks?
Giada’s head seems much too large for that little body. Did this happen after she became a star or did her mom just have to push a little harder? Over the years I have noticed that the bigger the smile the larger her boobs got. I told my wife about this and she has been smiling for over a month. Unfortunately she hasn’t experienced an increase in bra size.
I was just reading all the blogs posted on here and I have to say that I am truly angry about what people have to say about the stars on this channel. I happened to be a big fan of Down Home With The Neely’s because my husband and I act the same way they do however, I am not from TN. I live in B’more. I would love to meet them in person because they have fun about each other and what they do whether or not something is nasty or what. People that have negative things to say needs to get a life and stop hating on my brother and sister and the love they have together. Gina and Pat keep up the good work. My husband and I watch you every saturday and yes, you guys do bring back alot of memories.
Thank you,Sonya Bailey. I love in SC and I LOVE The Neelys.
I watch them everyday just after Barefoot Contessa (love her) and right before Paula Deen (love her). The Food Network is my absolutely favorite channel. I watch Big Daddy’s House on Sunday and look forward to it each week.
Why the negativity on all of these shows. Put the average Joe on TV to cook and see how darned hard it would be. I could never do it.
“hating on my brother and sister…” Are you seriously playing the race card? You suck.
It’s the only card in some people’s deck.
how is that playing the race card ….? please explain yall quick to say someone is using the race card…
Hey Sonya Bailey. First of all this is not a fan site for the ass kissing Neely fans. What, by posting here in support of these two horndogs you think they might read your comments & get in touch? Gees! Also if you & your hubby act just like them I hope it’s not in a public place. As for bringing back alot of memories is that mean making out after school behind the stands? Just saying.
yeah it’s pitiful pitiful jerks
For the record: You can only appreciate this web site if you are a faithful fan of the Food Network. Love it or leave it, we are all addicted to most things “food.” That being said, there is nothing wrong with poking fun at these people, they are after all stars with chinks in their armor. But the first requirement to appreciate this web site is that you have a SENSE OF HUMOR! If you can’t see through that, then mosey on, as they say on Twitter, “There’s nothing for you here,”
Pure Awesomeness! I love the Food Network, and love this site! As was said earlier, I’m glad I’m not the only one noticing these quirks in the shows. But I have a question, on Good Eats, Alton appears to be a serious dork, wearing Hawaiian shirts and such, but has some humility, but when you see him on The Next Food Network Star or any other show, he appears so serious and snooty, which is the true him? I hope the dorky one.
What’s with Sunny’s “how’d that get on my plate”? why dont they call it what it is, “unwrapped 2 with a woman host” Also, I don’t need one of her childhood stories every time there is some downtime in “Cooking for Real” It’s, downtime, deal with it genuinely. :P
What do you want in “down-time”?
I have to agree with Carole E. about being addicted to FN; it’s a train wreck yet I still can’t look away. Appreciation of this site certainly does require a sense of humor, which most people (in the U.S. at least) seem to be sorely lacking. As to jealousy of people like Sandra Lee, not even close; I can actually cook. I’m not afraid of slicing an onion or chopping garlic, and I have a high enough I.Q. and possess enough common sense to already realize most of her “money-saving” tips anyway.
I really can’t get over her advice about salt adding flavor. I knew that when I was five. Thanks for nothing Aunt Sandy. I find the concept of a money-saving tip show really nice, but having the queen of expensive, name-brand and prepackaged ingredients hosting it is just too hypocritical to be believed.
As for the Neely’s, they should just do the show from their bedroom.
Keep up the great job Food Network Humor.
Hilarious site. I love me some Ina and Giada BUT yoy guys are hilarious. Loves it:)
My take on Alton Brown at the new Food Network star dinner was that he appeared to be really embarrassed to be in that situation and uncomfortable in the company of so many phonies and hypocrits, ie. Susie Fogelson and Bob T. Also, perhaps the embarrassment of suspecting/knowing ? what a hoax it was caused him to appear to be in pain. I just discovered this webite, hooray and thank you!
All these “chefs” (cooks, etc.) that have shows on Food Network may have their own personality; however, at the end of the day, they are basically scripted as to what to say, how to say it, what to wear, how to look/dress, etc. (i.e. the Susie’s/Bob’s of Corporate Food Network!) Does anyone know how much these TV personalities get paid anyway?! Obviously they think it’s worth it to sign and try to keep a contract to keep their show(s) going on Food Network. Point is, you CAN see SOME of their OWN personalities coming through, but to what degree, who really knows?! I watch various Food Network shows for varying reasons, for me as a woman/foodie it’s mostly for the various food/recipe/ideas/inspiration, but RARELY is it for their (mostly fake) personalities, in my opinion. The diction and delivery for most of these people who have shows are quite limited and repetitive (not saying I could do better, just sayin’ they’re not good at it as a rule!) lol They just get fatter and older (of course now Alton’s lost 50 lb. so he’s on another dimension now, as well as Bobby Flay keeps himself trim, but both of them seem to speak weirdly now that they’ve lost the weight and look a bit “gaunt”, and of course Giada was going to lose all her preggers weight by doing her yoga at her trillion dollar new house on the beach with her husband Todd taking care of their kid and showing him surfing on every show)! lol It’s all basically very staged and fake to me, not realistic in cost effectiveness for most people to be able to afford a lot of the food they make, they’re just cooks trying to be actors and a lot of money is shelled out on this whole thing (Food Network), so to me, it’s just another TV station making a lot of money and people can either watch it or not. I don’t watch it as much as I used to because it’s so ridiculous and fake, combined with the various lame personalities and I can only take so much of that sort of thing. It’s all extreme overkill and NOT “just about cooking” at all, which is supposedly the goal of FN is to get people hooked on it so it stays on the air, which I’m sure it will. Most of the people make me sick, to be perfectly honest! lol I don’t care because I will never meet these people and they don’t give a crap about anyone anyway! lol They’re rich and most of the rest of us aren’t! lol I think the stuff written in here is true and funny as hell! I think people who come in here to defend their beloved FN personalities don’t really need to come to this website, because, “WHY”?! If you don’t want to read anything about FN bullsh*%, then don’t come to this website! lol I think Bobby Flay is an a-hole (but he’s been TRYING to be “nicer” maybe because they told him to tone his smart-a** self down some?) Rachel Ray is a big-mouth, loud-mouth, who’s become very self-promoting about her dogfood helping other charity and all that crap, Paula has become a bit more FAKE and she’s always hitting on all the young men and slobbering all over them like she is with her sons which is creepy, Sandra Lee is like a wannabe Martha Stewart but she’s too “sweet” to be, Giada is ignorant and her gigantic horse smile and huge boobs pouring out of her v-neck tops and her over-pronunciation of words is just hideous and she’s so boring and uninventive, Emeril finally got smart and basically told FN to screw off and went to Fine Living channel, The Neelys should set up a mattress in the kitchen and screw while raising their arms up to the stove to stir the pots, Alton is now like a converted smoker and putting down fat people because he’s not fat anymore and he goes between being sarcastic and Mr. Geek (although I have always liked his food), Guy is just getting fat eating grease and just says “money” all the time with his white hair and sunglasses, Ina only has rich Jewish friends and gays and Jeffrey speaks and eats upon command, and ALL the women on these shows are such total CONTROL FREAKS it’s unbelievable, like they would cut your throat if they didn’t get their way, the older shows I used to like aren’t on the air anymore, they’ve got to keep so much fake BS going on, it’s just killed it for me. I like British TV a lot better actually… I’m American but lived in UK with my hub, but just sayin’… they don’t really FRONT about things as much in general… FN is just a bunch of BS and I still watch a few programs which I like OK enough and can tolerate them enough to watch them, but it’s just that you have to be able to overlook the BS.
:( Wall of text… oh God…
OMG, me and my gf watch FN religiously and have honestly had most if not all of these conversations. This website is fantastic and I personally applaud all who joke and quip about our beloved chefs and the other people who try so hard.
OMG!! lmao
I was watching ‘All Star Grill Fest: South Beach’.
Paula just called Bobby Flay… wait for it… Bobby Lou!!!
Bobby called her on it, and she actually said that it’s what she calls her son (Bobby).
I just about fell over laughing when I heard that.
I can only say you must not be from the South. Everyone here tacks Lou onto any and every name ending in a ‘y’. It is a term of affection.
Meanwhile, Love this site!
I despise watching Sandra Lee, she is probably very nice if she ever unwinds, but GOODNIGHT, what a total control freak.
OMIGOD the women are SUCH CONTROL FREAKS it’s unreal! Sandra, GIADA is an obsessed control freak- (1) she never makes enough food for everyone to go around, then (2) she tells them where to sit, how much they can eat and God forbid if they go back for 2nds!, (3) then she tells them when to STOP eating and (4) when they can eat dessert, when to breathe, when to do EVERY SINGLE THING! She is a FREAK! She puts down people SO much! I would hate to be her husband or kid! lol I love when her Aunt Raffi was on her show because she tells Giada off everytime! lol Paul is a control freak, Gina even gets snippy with Pat who worships her dirty drawers! lol Rachel Ray– OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s almost like you feel sorry for their spouses and children! lol I did hear Bobby Flay’s Texan wife get smart with him one time– that was funny! lol
Love discovering this web site. I laugh out loud every day I read it. Thanks for the pleasure you bring!
PLEASE do HGTV next!!!
I LOVE your site! I watch the Food Network, often, and it is uncanny how “on point” (just kidding…he makes me want to slap a baby) you are about these people. Well done.
this website is the “super super simple russipie” for “yummo,” “good,” “not half bad,” and “AH-MAY-ZIIIING” fun! Luv this!
This site is really hilarious. My boyfriend calls me a “foodie”, but I caught him getting engrossed in The Next Food Network Star”..lmao…I thought we were the only ones who found Giada’s head much bigger than her body, but she is still very good at what she does and so are most of the other hosts/hostesses. I appreciate a little humor and what better way to do it than with a network we all love….
You guys forgot about Danny Boome, the hunky British host of Rescue Chef. Where’s his bio? Last I saw him was on Regis and Kelly for a date a celebrity segment. I was jealous and wished it was me that won a date with him. Food Network needs to bring in some single hunky guys that cook, then I’ll definitely be tuning in.
Yeah, everytime they get a half-way decent show host or even a good show, they take it off the air! Only the robot-goofball-FN icons stay… (or token shows FN think people want to watch!)
OMG: This site is 100% pure!!! Am a FN junkie, but am so sick of it recently, they have TOO many shows on, and the NFNS is a joke…where do they come up with these contestants???? Aaron McCargo is AWFUL…I am sure they have already decided that the Korean whale Kim Chee, Debbie is going to win…and she is so hard on the eyes….she looks like she has been run over by a steam roller in the face…always wears nazi-style boots, and a tent to cover her kimchee….she is as far from a “southern girl” as Giada “my head is so huge it affects the rotation of the earth” DeLaurentiis…Love Bobby Flay, Ina (”just cooking for more of my destitute but hilarious gay friends while my husband is out making money to support my fatness”)Garten, but Paula Deen (Hey Y’all, I’m making traditional southern coq a vin—she’ll add grits to make it “southern”, all her food makes me ill…not to mention the Rachel Ray network. She is too old to be “cutesy” although she does do those 30-min meals pretty well…Love this site!
Hate to be nit-picky but Giada “overenunicates” not “overannunciates”. Overannunciation sounds like some sort of arcane Catholic transgression. Her vivid enunciation of Italian words does not bother me but I do find her freaklishly large head and tiny body a little disturbing. She looks like a living doll – a bobblehead doll.
You are right on – on every personality. My only other comment would be for the Food Network to take that god-awful nasty giada (SP?) to be pulled from ever being on TV or any published photographs – ever. God that horrid smile is dreadful.
Yes, but did you ever see her photo layout in Esquire magazine where she was scantily clad and had marinara sauce poured all over her entire body?! It was freakin’ horrifying and disgusting, but they were promoting how sexy she was (saying it was food porn)… oh yeah, it was choice..
This site is too funny…Some folks need to get a sense of humor. In fact Tyler Florence finds it funny to poke fun of him….He linked this site on his website, that is how I found it!
now that’s just funny right there (yeah, only six months later lol) — especially who he is ;) Love Tyler
I stumbeld across this site, and laughed by ass off reading some of the commments posted.
I feel that Giada, Rachel, The Neely’s, Sunny Anderson, and Tyler Florence shouldn’t have shows.
Giada should tell people how to pronounce her name correctly. I hate hearing people say it ” G-Ah-dah “. Rachel Ray seems like a phony. The Neely’s are just annoying, Sunny Anderson should have made a carreer out of the Military, and Tyler Florence is probably the least talented of anyone I’ve seen on The Food Network.
Whomever told Guy Fieri his wrap around sunglasses looked cool on the backof his mouli should be lined up next to him, and shot along with him.
Sandra Lee is at least fun to look at!
I know some people that actually know Bobby Flay, and say he is really talented. His shows are worth a look.
The people that think Giada and Rachel are good food show hosts, many I know, are the same people who hated MARTHA STEWART and EMERIL. Martha and Emeril at least really paid their dues, and have some talent.
I enjoyed reading these posts.
Keep it up!
The shows I seriously dislike are Chopped and the Next Iron Chef. I mean we are talking about some seriously talented and hard-working chefs being given crap like dippity-do and melba toast and told to make something delicious. Riiiiight. Then they have to stand in front of a bunch of tight bottomed prigs as if they’ve been sent to the principal’s office and take the verbal crap dished out to them with a curtsey and their hat in their hands. Makes me sick. I boycott these stupid shows now. Sure, a chef isn’t allowed to have a bad day, but let’s be fo’ real no chef I know would find themselves caught out with nothing but fish-paste and brill cream on the pantry shelf.
lmao – dippity-do and melba toast. Sadly, these ingredients sound a bit better than some of the ones they were actually given! Thanks for the laugh!
I agree that the degree of humiliation dished out on those “judged” shows is awful, pathetic, disgusting, non-entertaining, whatsoever! And this godawful new one “Worse Cook In America”?! HOW HORRIBLE THAT IS GOING TO BE?! They are grabbing at straws and coming up VERY short of new ideas that are good.
hilarious!!! love ur website..cant believe i didnt think of it myself…i’ve been a huge food network fan growing up…its startin to become lame though…they get criticized for not being diverse enough, so they start stereotypical black shows and throw in a lesbian or two…its so stupid. diversity doesnt mean u water down ur shows. u can find diverse chefs that actually have talent and are not stereotypical caricatures…
OH?! Who’s the token lesbian(s) on FN?! lol
Cat Cora on Iron Chef America.
frickin hilarious
The executives made a GREAT MOVE in replacing Robert Irvine w/ Michael Simon on DINNER IMPOSSIBLE.
When the decision was made to have Michael Simon join the IRON CHEF panel, a search should have been made to replace him on DINNER IMPOSSIBLE, or to eliminate the show altogether.
To give the show back to Robert Irvine was a mistake.
FINALLY!
My boyfriend and I discovered this delectable website one night while hating on an episode of “Chopped” (or, Top Chef jr.) while searching online for someone, ANYONE, who could understand why we can’t stomach Alex Guarnaschelli.
Oh the joy!
It was so fulfilling to read other people saying the same things we have said over and over while watching FN!
Don’t get me wrong- we love to watch FN, but it just seems like it’s become increasingly cheesy especially in the last two years, which, actually, just makes it all that much more fun for us to watch!
THANK YOU for creating this!
How can I contribute??
FN has gotten pretty lame lately, which is why I switched to Nickolodean for insomnia attacks, but now they have fallen in love with George Lopez marathons. Hey, I like Georgie, but could we be a little more ecumenical. FN pleeeeeeeeze start running something worthwhile again. I’m begging, there are only so many channels that don’t run scary-ass movie commercials in the middle of the night.
PS Alex Guarnaschelli sucks.
Alex Guarnaschelli is a bitch. I cannot imagine HOW she believes her sh*& doesn’t stink?! OMIGOD!
I rate Alex at five tapeworms. The poor thing must be starving with all the judging shows she keeps popping up on. Has anyone ever seen her cook?
I’ve seen full body shots of her, and, believe me, she’s NOT starving.
I actually love watching 3. I really feel like I’m in the kitchen with Tyler Florence.. LOVE “Tyler’s Ultimate” and “Food 911″ he’s a natural; the NEELEY’s are ADORABLE.. you can really tell they love each other and love food… and Alton Brown – gosh… I learn something from him every time I watch “Good Eats”.. knowledgeable and entertaining!
I actually stumbled into this site and think it’s a little cruel to ridicule these hosts of FN… but it’s your right… we DO live in America… best to all!!
I wish I were this naive… but, NO, actually I don’t! lol
the neely’s “adorable”????? they are SO PHONY!!!! that fake sickening laugh pat does all the time, and gina pretending she’s nice. they can’t act their way out of a paper bag.
I love Tyler Florence’s Ultimate show, but I do agree that he says “off the charts” a lot haha. He also says “absolutely fantastic” or “absolutely” a lot, too. Listen for it the next it comes on haha.
Also, has anyone noticed how many instructions Giada gives on how to do the obvious? I guess she says those things to fill in pauses, but it is sometimes annoying.
The one thing I DO like about her show, however, is the fact that she is one of the few cooks who pronounces the Italian terms correctly. Too many of the FN cooks pronounce non-English words incorrectly. For example, they pronounce “jalapeño”, “habañero”, “bruschetta”, “provolone”, etc incorrectly. You would think someone would teach them how to say these words right! I remember when Giada taught Bobby (Flay LOL) how to pronounce “provolone” correctly. Right on!
I love this website. Too funny!
I know. Every time someone on Food Network pronounces panko ‘painko’, I want to scream. It’s not that hard; pronounce it how it looks: ‘pan-ko’.
Great website. It’s fun to laugh at the stars/hosts even if we like them.
And what do you think of Danny Boome and Jamie Oliver?
I lived in England and watched Jamie over there… he’s gotten the Big Head… he’s acting like he’s Food Jesus or something, maybe even Food God… lol
I’m sorry, Memoria, but half of my family came right off the boat from different parts of Italy, and NONE of them prounounce bruschetta BRUE-SKE-TA, OR MOZZ-A-RELLLA.
Actually, as an Italian, I find her act kind of offensive…she’s a joke!
…nice boobs, though ;)
I HATE how Giada says how (”we Italian’s”) “do it this way in Italy”, when she did NOT GROW UP IN ITALY! She’s living now where she’s lived for most of her life (except her France stint going to cookery school), which she lives in CALIFORNIA near L.A.! Her family is Italian and came from there, but she did NOT grow up there at all! She’s so fake and full of herself and BS it’s ridiculous!
Uh,
You guys forgot Marc Summers. Perhaps the dullest man on Food Network and perhaps the dullest man in America with the dullest show of all time called ‘Unwrapped.”
I’d like to see “Cash Cab’s” Ben Bailey flatten his ass on the ground.
I’d like to see Mike Rowe take them both on. Or take it all off …hmmmmm
Maybe Robert Irvine could ship Marc’s ass… that would be funny… lol
Oh god, Marc Summers. Um yeah, how and why?
Bobblehead with giant, freakishly over-toothed mouth: Giada. Used to watch her show, until I realized it was in fact the same three dishes over and over. (Also was becoming annoyed by her boobs. Why are they always out? And what’s up with the porn-like background music that’s often too loud in spots?)
Bobby Flay is also irritating to me. Makes his three dishes over and over as well. Seems to have a bit of arrogance going on. (He also gets my vote for “Worst Make-Up on FN”.)
Second for “Worst Make-Up” brings me to Paula, y’all. Actually used to watch her every day, but after a while I found her to be too ridiculous. (And why does she keep trying to cram her boring “boys” down our throats? Blatantly obnoxious.) Don’t even know what to say about “Paula’s Party”….
All I can say about Sandra Lee is ?????? (And gag.)
Wow, thanks for this venue. Really needed to vent. :)
Giada makes everything “creamy, shuugury, buttery, carmely, nutty” (I misspelled the words purposely as she pronounces them this way)! She makes EVERYTHING with “mahscapony” cheese and “bazil” and now she’s on the California Salad kick. She is boring and uninventive and her fill-in talking is so ludicrous it’s annoying and unbelievable how she cannot pronounce words properly when she thinks she is perfect. She only cares about herself and her food and fakes the rest about her family, she’s got very obvious issues and is very selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, and it shows, but yeah, nobody’s perfect… (oh right, she thinks she is!?) lol
@Hermitycrab. I agree with you completely. I also to watch Giada until I, too, realized she has a repertoire of about 5 dishes and 12 ingredients that she uses over and over and over. Snore. As for Booby, well, he must hold stock in the “new” Food Network; it’s the only explanation for such a boring tool to be on at least 10 hours out of each TFN day.
This site is great. I am a big fan of the madison sisters on pophangover and now foodnetworkhumor
This is an abolutely hilarious website! You nailed the Food Network to a “t.”
I used to like Paula until I happened to catch one of her so-called “parties.” She invited some military men up to “rub their meat” and kept making lewd comments about “rubbing meat” as they sheepishly stood there and wondered why someone their mama’s age was a dirty old lady.
The Neely’s are fun, but watch out about criticizing them. You’ll be called a hater, for sure. I do feel sorry for their 14 year old, who was on one show I caught. She looked like she’d rather be anywhere but there, listening to her horny parents rattle on and on.
Sandra Lee is all bright and chipper, trying to compensate for her truly heinous childhood. She muckles onto her neice and nephew but strangely has no kids of her own. Very telling!
Ina Garten is fun to watch, too. There’s one particular musical theme that’s used in every episode, and I have visions of Ina shaking her enormous booty as she pinwheels around that gorgeous kitchen. Enter, Miquel, who snaps a pic or two. And then the gay florist comes in wearing his sweater around his neck and provides a faaabulous bouquet for Ina’s debut as a dancing elephant.
Emeril is just fat. He’d look great at 6 feet 2 inches. Unfortunately, he’s 5 feet 7.
Giada should be glad her grampa made schlocky movies like the 1976 King Kong. It gave her the money to indulge her habits, like cooking with Italian ham. And the way she pronounces all those Italian words, with such flair! It makes me wonder why she’s putting herself through the misery of living in the US. Italia’s calling, honey!
Whatever happened to those two gay guys who catered? The Network showed them the door rather quickly. In fact, except for Guy, hasn’t every winner of the “next Food Network star” been given their walking papers?
I liked Rachel Ray when her hair was lighter. When she went to black, she went coal black. And she also packed on a few pounds. And is there something different about the way her 30 minute meal show is filmed? Has it gone from videotape to film?
Personally, I like Unwrapped and think it’s the best show on the Food Network. Ah, that’s because I’m a Baby Boomer, and a lot of the stuff they feature I ate as a kid.
Long live this site!
I miss Nigella Lawson. At least she is intelligent and doesn’t apologize for it.
Nigella Lawson is hot, but can also cook, which is a lot more than the rest of the FN bimbos can say.
Hell of a sexy voice, too.
I also miss Nigella Lawson, as I said before, they always take off the good, decent, smart, informative, well-made shows and keep the crap rolling on and on and on and on… (Bobby Flay’s BBQ, Paula Deen’s drawling on about young men’s meat, Giada’s pseudo-Italian-like poop, and all those demeaning judge shows they’ve put on, etc.). The rest are just plain stupid and a waste of time. Sorry to see the good ones gone (Melting Pot, even Mario’s old show Molto Mario, Sweet Dreams wasn’t bad, and certainly again, all of Nigella’s shows, even Jamie’s were pretty good, now they’re ALL GONE)… FN has really developed bad taste in recent times…
[...] anyone seen this? I just ran across it the other day and laughed my ass off! Check out the Host Bios…I bet you’ll get a few good [...]
Keep this going, it’s a breath of fresh air. I love FN but visiting your site is like sitting in the back of home-ec class, bagging on the substitute. Awesome, immature fun.
I am a lifelong member of the “I Hate Rachel Ray” website!
Ina Garten’s name should be changed to Imma Farten. She is so uptight I bet she has to run out to her garten when she’s farten. AND I never did understand why she wears the same damn big shirt with the collar turned up every damn day. I mean come on woman you live in the Hamptons you can afford more than one mumu!
Aaron McCargo Jr – Says “Big Daddy” 459,253 times per show.
Adam Gertler – “will do anything to stay on tv”
Ask Aida – Gimme a break – change the name of the show to “If you’re an idiot in the kitchen, go find Aida”
Alton Brown – was a scientist in a past life.
Bobby Flay – God’s re-gift to the grill.
Duff Goldman – never seen him
Giada – Cover the boobs woman! You do know that over exposure to the lights and camera’s could cause cancer?!?
Guy – Never watched him
Ina – Love her and her gentle ways.
The Neeley’s – Change the name of their show to “Porn on a Plate”
Paula Deen – Get rid of the fake laugh and I’ll love you more. Who can’t love a gal who loves butta? BTW who taught you to say “Boil”?
Rachel Ray – Chill Out a bit … you’re trying too hard.
Sandra Lee – “M”oney saving “M”eals. Not sure where you do your shopping but your price quotes are 45% lower than what I pay.
Southerners all say bowuhld instead of boyle for boil, don’t ask
I Love this site! I am so glad to know there are other foodies out there that think these same things! I cannot stand the Neeleys, Rachael Ray’s cutesy quotes “yummo”, “Kiddos”, ect. get on my nerves and I can’t stand watching their shows. I laughed so hard reading some of the bios on here.
Also- @Marie-June 11, 2009- I have personally met Alton Brown, he was a guest speaker at our local home and garden show two years ago. He arrived with disheveled hair and a laid-back appearance. He talked about everything from Good Eats to what he would like to see in the future of FN television (smell/taste-ovision)and also joked about Rachael Ray and Paula Deen. He commented on Rachael’s voice (Like nails on a chalkboard), and Paula Deen’s (I need 20 sticks of butter y’all.) He came across as very down to earth and personable. I was able to get my picture taken with him and his cookbook signed too, so it was a really great day. Hope that answers the questions you had…
Glad to hear AB’s really as down to earth as he SOMETIMES seems on FN, but I guess when he’s “acting” on FN it’s what he HAS to do on there for the show?! Anyway, that’s cool you met him and he was all right…
why do you look at the shows if you feel this way about them it seems like you only watch to make fun
It’s called “Humor” Edie! Get some!!!!
Listen,pal-it just so happens I taped that Tyler Florence episode. I then watched it again and counted: he said “off the charts” only 4,891 times (although 7 of those times it was the complete sentence).
P.S. to ‘Opinionated’: If you would please start shopping at Harrods of London, you will find Sandra Lee’s price quotes are not out of line at all!
Seriously, how does Guy Fieri and his crew get away with it? I’ve cooked in quite a few restaurants in my time, and the lack of sanitation practices is appalling. If I were the manager and he walked into my kitchen looking like that, I’d have no choice but to kick his butt right out of there! No vinyl gloves, no apron, no hair net or hat, eating right on the Cook’s Line- it makes me sick just thinking about it. I am also amazed you don’t see any of the customers in these places getting up and leaving- I would. The man is a County Health Department’s worst nightmare come true, and shame on the Food Network for keeping Guy Fieri on the payroll!
Look – anyone who thinks Paula Deen is a true Southern woman is fooled – just like FN wants you to be. She puts on this fake Southern drawl that magically disappears whenever she wants it to. I’ve seen her before, “behind the scenes”, and while she has a moderate Southern accent (like most of us do), once she gets back in front of the camera, she lays it on thick again.
My husband and I have always said that she deliberately exagerrates the accent to get more viewers (meaning thicker Southern drawl = better Southern cooking) and I guess it works.
Doesn’t work for this Southern girl.
And another thing, Paula Deen. WIPE YOUR DAMN MOUTH and quit taking such big ass nasty bites of food. You don’t need to take a soup ladle to test your food. Use a fork like most people do, and take human sized bites. Don’t try and put half the damn pie on your fork, and then get whipped cream all over your chin and then laugh that cackly laugh and think it’s cute. It’s NOT cute. It’s disgusting and turns my stomach.
Paula and Giada make me sickened and disgusted and repulsed with cramming their huge mouths with HUGE mountains of food and TALKING whilst doing it! OMIGOD! It’s so horrible to hear them smacking, slurping, swallowing, gulping, chewing, crunching, and making sex noises all the while! You’re right, it’s SO NOT CUTE and it really shows them up to be stupid twats! lol
OMG YOU CRACKED ME UP I WAS LAUGHING OUT LOUD! SO TRUE!
What a treasure! Finally, someone puts the energy to set up a site that tells it like it is.
I love Giada, but we have a game we play with our friends. Every time she says the word “creamy” we take a shot of Bailey’s or whatever. By the end of her show, we are all plastered. She is gorgeous in a over-the-top way, but when she says “creamy” or “crunch” she makes a fist with her midget-like gnarled fingers. Have you seen that?
Sandra Lee, we play the same game with her show when she talks about her nephew “Bricer.” Horrible recipes. Repulsive ingredients. Like cooking using ingredients from the supermarket dumpster. By the time she reveals her horrorscape, we are drunk.
Ina-some great recipes, but I do NOT want to watch her serve another meal on the beach. She also says “How good is this?” billions of times. She has more gays than Kathy Griffin.
Guy Fierri-big fat slob who features restaurants that cater to big fat slobs.
Bobby Flay-please, no more grilled mangos.
Ellie what’s her name-Your colored contacts are very “natural.” I will not be making any tofu, lemongrass, low-fat everything, sesame seed, parsley recipes anytime soon.
Neeley’s-How many times do we need to see you make ribs for all your shifty relatives. One of the Mom’s is severely uptight.
Mark Summers-the most boring man of all time. I fell asleep writing that.
Paula Deen-great wigs. I assume she will be taking over the Eva Gabor line soon. When is her book “Butter, Mayonnaise, Cream Cheese” coming out? And when is her other son doing the same?
Ted Allen-you are not fabulous. Adorkable maybe but not fabulous.
That’s all for now. Klaus
Watching Paula Deen today with Aaron “Big Daddy”, frying Okra, dipping their fingers in the dip for a double dip & lick, then they high fived each other with the same hands!
Oh and Aaron……Nice nail polish YOLE!!!
THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NASTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! lol
Klaus, great overview! Love the Ina comments. I will never understand why the choose to be on the beach when everytime they are go, there are hurricane force winds blowing and sand flying. How good could that be?
Byrdie, brilliant minds think alike . . . Yes, it’s always SO windy when Ina trots out to the shore. They have to dub the dialogue in since it’s all “Perfect Storm” happening and the wind is whistling through her $1000.00 wicker picnic basket.
Also, I cannot watch “Iron Chef.” First of all, that annoying Asian man, who is he? He screams and startles me. Why does he make such a big thing and scream at the top of his voice: “THE SURPRISE INGREDIENT IS JELLY BEANS!!!!!”
Can’t they just say, “the surprise ingredient is peanut butter”? In a normal voice, not scaring me out of my nap?
Not only that, but every time the scene changes, they do that horrible “knives being pulled out of a metal scabbard” sound, which I CANNOT listen to.
And also, why do they have to cook so fast? Poor Kat Kora is running around like a meth addict trying to finish her dishes. Give me a break, since when is it a skill to cook things faster than the speed of light.
Also, when did Guy Fierri’s sister get her own show “Secrets of A Restuarant Chef”?? She says “lovely” about 100 times per half hour, and does that weird motion with her arms to indicate “blending.” Can someone tell me who she is and how did she ever get on television?
Iron Chef is horrible and traumatic.
Klaus, you mean you don’t have a $1000 picnic basket? Tsk tsk. That’s a shame. Might explain why she only gave two clams to each of her guests as a amuse-bouche! East Hampton and you can only afford a dozen clams? Reminds me of when she’s having yet another dinner party with her gay guys, she only buys one bottle of wine for the entire table. Maybe it’s me, but ONE BOTTLE??
And now, my friend, we must take a step back and disagree. (It could have been such a beautiful friendship) (sigh)…anyway, “secrets of a restr chef” is Anne Burrell. Many do not like her but, alas, I do like her. She’s a restauranteur and a chef, actually worked with Mario Batalli on Iron Chef. She beats the crap out of Rachael Ray, Pauler “Poopy” Dean and the rest of the hacks on FN. Hope we can still be civil…..
Whoah…Where to start? Gina Neeley’s voice is like having your fingernails ripped off, and I agree their bedroom antics are unwatchable, but like someone already mentioned, Food TV Network is a trainwreck and now I watch it more to make fun of the obvious buffoonery of most of the hosts. I enjoy Ina Garten & Jaime Oliver…they seem to be the only ones left that have not turned into cartoon characters. Paula is so obnoxious…not so bad when she’s “alone” in the kitchen…I miss the Old Paula, when she seemed like the fun, lovely neighbor down the street. Now she has that platinum blonde Old Hooker hair and is dripping in diamonds that she dips her buttered paws into everything. Ask Aida is so ridiculous with that guy up in the corner and his laptop. Have the programmers @FTV been sniffing glue? It does give us a great laugh or a teeth grinding rant, and I guess it does count as entertainment. Great Website, it’s my new Fave!!! Keep it Up!
Oh but no, Paula’s hair isn’t platinum blonde, it’s BLUE STEEL PURPLE GRAY now! MY GOD those false eyelashes are like freakin’ 2 inches long and so black hanging off her eyelids! TOO MUCH! I guess her head has to be made large to balance out the bottom half of her body?! All those pastel ice cream parlor colored clothes she wears! It’s as bad as the TV soap opera clothes they wear like on the Bold and Beautiful! lol
O Byrdie, no worries. I will trade you Anne Burrell (is she related to Rusty Burrell of “The People’s Court”?) for Michael Chiarello and his fake wife. I wasn’t really trashing her (believe me); I was just curious about her since I have heard not one mention of her on this site. She does oversay “lovely” and uses that unusual roller derby gesture to indicate melding and blending of flavors. She seems to follow Julia Child classic recipes, so good for her.
I will deem her a “hands off” zone, unless she releases a sex tape or soemthing, agreed? Just leave my next ex-husband MC alone!
The FN used to be a great resource, but now it’s like a nasty trainwreck that I cannot help but watch.
It all started with Paula Deen and her “Cracker Salad” which I still make for delighted guests, until I tell them what’s in it.
Ok, Klaus, we are still buds. Nobody can agree on everything, now can we? And if the sex tape comes out, poleezzee, I don’t want to see it. I like her but, well, not her butt. She’s a little “out there”, but she really seems to love food and for me, that’s what it’s all about. And what exactly is (gulp) cracker (oh, I know I shouldn’t ask) salad? And MC is all yours!!
Is that as good as mayonnaise-chocolate chip dip?
Ok, then we are in agreement. Wir sind eine Meinung!
Paula’s Cracker Salad
Crumble one sleeve of saltines into a bowl;
Add one medium tomato, medium dice
de-shell a hard boiled egg and crush it into the bowl with your hand (the egg, not the shell)
plop enough mayo on top of it all to bind and moisten the ingredients as you stir them together;
clip some green onions into the mischung, 2 tablespoons or so.
Chill. Serve in a small lettuce cup
My guests scrape the bowl in a frenzy, until they realize what the ingredients are. Then they never eat it again.
In complete friendship, Klaus
klaus you are hysterically funny and that salad actually sounds good but i would throw a can of tuna in the mix!!!! (or some diced spam hhhmmmm i’m gettin hungry!!!)
Klaus, I KNEW KNEW KNEW I shouldn’t have asked. Ok, thanks for sharing, my friend. (man, I have GOT to be more careful about what I ask next time….gak)
Aaron whatshisname is just too Ghetto, he talks like he has marbles in his mouth.
Ina is lovely, calm and hasn’t been turned into a Food Network Ass-Clown…yet. Don’t care for the Denim shirts.
The Neeleys (especially Gina) are annoying and lewd.
Cool-Whip Sandy’s food and tablescapes are Barfbag worthy.
Whenever Giada has her family are in the show, she bosses them around and makes them look stupid. Come on, this is cooking, not Nuclear Physics.
Becoming a Chef must have saved Tyler Florence’s life, I get the impression that without it, he would weigh about 700 lbs and be living in a basement in Alabama.
Paula Dean started out just fine, then the “Geniouses” @FTV
exploited her “Poisonality” and they created a Frankenstein monster. Her Y’alls, Olive Ol, and “whatcha fixin son,? Hand me that “Son,” Do you like cheese on that “Son”?” And her laugh…it almost justifies homicide. That fat toad husband nuzzling up to her…
Schlockmeister Emeril…Impossible to follow his recipes, he can complicate chocolate milk. I get it already Emeril, you’re a trained chef, just don’t make me feel I should go to Havaaad to learn how to mince a garlic clove.
Jaime Oliver’s charming lisp and down to earth, sexy way of touching and cooking food is what really hooked me into the FTV Network. Of course they have him on early Saturday mornings. Wouldn’t want the brilliance of the Clown Posse to get lost in that crummy time slot!
Bobby Flay is a prick. And his grilling shows are Boring. But we all know that.
What’s with the pot bellied peroxide blonde Chef? And I don’t mean Guy.
Cooking for Real? This Sunny woman needs help from “What not to Wear” immediately. She looks like an Orange Tabby exploded right in the kitchen. Can’t get past that and her subpar, silly recipes.
I’ve learned some things from Michael Chiarello, like browning the chicken first to make a richer chicken stock. And how to relax in my Napa Valley Vineyard while the stock slowly simmers. OK, sitting at the keyboard in my rented condo.
Terrific website, Funny and a great comic relief!
I would love to see Aunt Sandy show up univited to Ina’s gay lunches and try to change the “Tablescape”.
Hi Ina, it’s Sandy!
Ina looks back at her horrified guests and mutters…How did this skinny bitch get past security in the Hamptons?
Oh Ina, it’s all so Plain! Let’s lose the green Chrysanthemums and white table cloth. I have a Carnival green punchbowl with my Cinamon-Applebutter Schnaaps and Vodka Sandy-Punch with little sail-boats floating on top. We will continue the Carnival theme with my Ferris-Wheel frozen meat-balls with grape jelly mold. I made the tablecloth out of pink and green felt to match the Fishstick Carousel that I iced with matchy-color cream cheese. And for dessert, Surprize!!! Cool Whip Fat Lady Mold with an Artificial Vanilla Sandy Sauce Supreme.
The Gay guests faint…Ina’s on life support scribbling…”How bad is that?”
LMFAO! ’sailboats’ hahaha! Your words portray a perfect visual concept of Aunt(hic)Sandy taking over the Hamptons. This may be the funniest thing I’ve ever read at FNH. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Your comments made me laugh until I cried. I agreed with every single thing you said. I love this website!
OMG I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD YOU ARE A COMEDIAN (COMEDIENNE?)WHAT ABOUT SANDY’S BOOBS THAT HANG DOWN TO HER NAVEL? OR DOES SHE JUST HAVE A FREAKISHLY LONG CHEST???
And you’re laughing really loudly, too.
……………..but wait Olive Loahf!! Just then Brian Boitono skates in gives Ina mouth to mouth. That’s what Brian Boitano would do!!!!
Comments from the NFNS 5:
Jen: (I agree with Jamika.) She wanted to win because she was pretty. Annoying PWT.
Brett made friends by calling everyone “Bubba” in a strong NY accent.
Eddie should shut his pie hole and go back to being a corporate guy.
Teddy should go back to making his Throwdown-winning mussels.
Katie SERIOUSLY needs to get her thyroid checked. (Bug-eyes) She admitted in her FN bio that she “secretly loves bacon.” Is that a dietitian sin??? Her show shoulda been called the “Dancing Dietician.”
Michael is Michael. Being not-straight made him the best and most annoying personality on the show!
Jamika: I liked her, but we didn’t need another southern/island cooking show.
Debbie. Liked her too, until the last few episodes.
Jeffery needs the Just For Men hair replacement stuff. And Shampoo. Someone needs to replace his gel with car oil. Maybe it is already! He was a butt to the ladies. Except for Melissa. I questioned what happened “behind the scenes.” Would have been a good story, since they’re both married with kids. NO PURPLE/PINK SHIRTS. OK?
Melissa. Still is the “Harried Housewife.” Frenetic energy problem, Remember??? Cheap set. The show names never stay the same as they are in the Pilots, now do they!
My fave vote was Jamika, then Debbie, Michael, Katie, Melissa, Jeffery. (No Teddy/Eddie/Brett or Jen.
Can you please put together an article about how STUPID the idea for Mellisa D’Arabians show is?? I mean how many “10 dollar dinners” have we had?? Wasnt there a show called Five dollar dinners at one time?? I think the pilot presentation idea was much better.
Did Zimmern really say that about Tyler Florence?
Haha, it is true, I looked it up… those blogs were hilarious!
Has anyone else noticed that both Ted Allen and Aaron Sanchez have given out a lot of information as to where they live on “The Best Thing I Ever Ate”? That should be helpful information for all the little weirdos out there who would like to stalk them.
WADS! lol
By the way, I am glad that Melissa won NFNS. Last year, watching self-loathing, self-doubting, emotional wreck Aaron McCargo, who has the personality of an old nervous woman being handed the competition was more than I could bear. They wanted sooooo bad for him to be Isaac Hayes. Has anyone noticed the music they put behind him? It sounds like the theme from Shaft. I’m sorry, but he is more feminine than masculine, and take those silly earrings out! By the way, I will bet he never even heard the name “Big Daddy” til they were preparing to shoot his pilot. Whew! I feel better now.
In Season 4 Pit Cook, Kelsey kept referring, annoyingly to Arron as Big Daddy. His head is so big, I think that is why he wears that big ol bling in his ears.
Oh, & someone needs to give Bobby Flay a Manzeer, or a Bro or at least an undershirt!
I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Sandra Lee’s latest Tablescape. Well she starts out with a white outfit with cherries and green leaves and a white shirt over that, the curtains are of course Cherries!!
Tablescape: Exploding cherries with cheap red glass goblets & plates and fake flowers and leaves…Everywhere. I think there was a hot glue-gun casserole in there somewhere…
And she presented all this with unbridled enthusiasm, breathlessly explaining how “easy & simple” all this craft-store trash was. Sure, when you have a staff of 20 people helping you make Hamburger Helper a La Sandy with frozen mashed potatos…
Porn Alert!!!
The Neeleys are being featured in Food Network TV’s “Chefology”
This might involve visual aids with fruits & vegetables
Wear latex gloves and keep the Lysol handy
FNh is lol
Does Duff Goldman remind anyone else of “The Count” from Sesame Street?
Now that you mention it…………….
“I would love to see Aunt Sandy show up univited to Ina’s gay lunches and try to change the “Tablescape”…
Respectfully edited. Your post is soooo funny, OliveLoahf, especially when recalling an episode of “Barefoot Contessa” during which Ina pokes fun at ‘tablescapes’. No name is mentioned, of course, but the inference is so obvious that you could stick a shrimp fork in it!
Alton Brown is skinny. Sardines? EEW! Who could eat that many sardines? Now, he needs botox or something. He looks 10 years older.
Alton looks terrible now– all his moles and warts and stuff really stand out and he looks even more grayish/whitish/pasty than he ever did before? He even speaks differently, like someone too thin who got that way because of cocaine or something or like he was ill and got skinny– ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Bags under the eyes, etc., but at least he cut that 3 strings of hair he had let grow out… that was even MORE horrible! He looked terrible with that stringy dishwater color hair too long… yuk!
Ina Garten needs better makeup. And wrinkle cream. And hair-voluminizer. Even though it is not a word, she needs it.
YESSS! INA NEEDS A MAKEOVER HONEY! maybe one of her gay friends can do itt
Ina just wears the same shirts, same hair, same makeup always. I don’t think changing her clothes, hair, and makeup is going to do much and she probably knows that deep down because she is just so very GIGANTIC, but she and Jeffrey are filthy, dirty, rich, period and she’s got lots of gay and Jewish friends so she probably doesn’t care! lol
wheres NIGELLA LAWSON? the queen of food porn she definately needs to come back to FN
Hear Hear!
Amen!
Although, she actually knows how to cook.
alton brown! that sweet man has gone an got himmself all to skinny. come to mamas house and i feed u some reall home cookin iluv u sweet cheekss
CherryRose states:
“recalling an episode of “Barefoot Contessa” during which Ina pokes fun at ‘tablescapes’.”
Respectfully edited as well. That’s exactly what inspired me to post Aunt Sandy terrorizing Ina, we were watching Barefoot Contessa when Ina made the exact same reference and we looked at each other and busted out laughing. Like you stated, it was so obvious. I can see Ina & Jeffrey drinking French Champagne and throwing hydrangeas at the TV screen as Aunt Sandy pulls out a couple cans of Dinty Moore for her 70% fake dinner…
omg! This is a Great Site!
I spent all morning reading. I laughed til my face ached!
I thought I was the only one who noticed these funny & odd things about FN shows.
Have you ever wondered how she stays that thin IF she actually eats the food on her shows? Have you Ever Seen her Actually Swallow her ‘test bites’? I picture the camera turning back to the demo plate as she spits the ‘test bite’ into the sink.
I just watched the first episode of “Ten Dollar Meals”. It’s another train wreck. Melissa gushed on and ON about how Much people will love you, if you make ‘home-made pastry’. Ugh! Well, at least I don’t have to save this time on Sunday for her show.
Rachael has a new ‘ad’ for her Bakewear! Rachael doesn’t bake. What’s this?
My favs are Ina, AB, and Jaimie Oliver.
Fantastic site! Thanks!
(i just found it today. It was mentioned on Anthony Bourdain’s blog)
I love love LURVE Anthony Bourdain, the way I love HOUSE. They are so freakin’ MEAN and totally hilarious.
Yes. Anthony with the permanent sneer in his voice. House reminds me of the Cat in the Hat character.
This site makes me so happy. Food network is such a joke. I only watch ace of cakes because I am from that area of MD. Guy you make us Californians want to puke and your nasty if i saw you walk into one of our dives wearing flip flops and eating over the prep tables i would pop you in the mouth.
Bobby Flay Do you need to throw down to prove your superiority and make other normal people feel bad about what their specialty is?
Neely’s your annoying get a room
Rachel your the devil
Sandra poor people hate you and your expensive food processor
Although Mr Oliver your a sexy beast please get on a different network. Thank god Anthony Bordain got the hell off this network.
I’d give you more than one thumb up, but it won’t let me.
No offense, but it’s “you’re”, almost every time you wrote “your”. Big difference. Really.
For anyone that enjoyed Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, please affirm or deny that Ted Allen was the weakest link on that show. He tried to hard to be part of every joke (watch the beginning when they trash straight guy’s house, he is always touching or grinding on the others awkwardly) and did not seem that confident in the kitchen with any of his straight muses….and now, as many have discovered in hollywood, it is not about talent discovery, but sheer luck and timing that he is on every other episode of every terrible peer reviewed judging mess of a show.
also, alex guarnaschelli is insufferable. she needs to lose the upper west side accent, 40 lbs. and beef up that resume (has anyone eaten at BUTTER ?) …. she is brutal to watch.
Ted Allen is dull, weak, monotone, untalented, boring, but he makes a good geek-a-hole…what purpose does he serve, he’s not very good at what he does…
Melissa ~ ugh, don’t even get me started. Just wrote another letter to Bob & Susie about their deliberate resurrection of Amy Finley. Remember her? Faux-French?
Melissa’s cooking in Amy’s refurb-ed kitchen.
ALL of her recipes are either Ina knock-offs, or retreads of other FN chefs. They sent someone home for ‘copying’ a Paula recipe.
P.S. When my then 8-year-old saw Giada for the first time she thought she looked just like a Bratt — HUGE head, TINY body!
@Fresh herbs: OMG, you’ve nailed it. Ted Allen IS a weak link, in all situations. I could never understand why he tried to get the guys to make some complicated dish or presentation (oyster bar, chocolate terrine) instead of things you prepare for life: roast chicken, chocolate cake, caesar salad, etc. He’s no cooking god for sure, and not even nice to look at. His clipped style of speaking seems prissy, haughty and super judgmental. He is a know-it-all that doesn’t really come across as an authority. Now Kyan and Tom on the other hand . . .
Kyan & Tom were the best — & not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (again, yes) but never was convinced on that point. Ted’s best advice, “life is too short for cheap alchohol” — maybe Sandy should take that advice. Husband tried making one of her meals once & was distracted by the cocktail portion. Following the instructions as he is inclined to do at times, let’s just say the semi-homemade didn’t even end up semi-resembling the intended dish.
“Jaime Oliver’s charming lisp and down to earth, sexy way of touching and cooking food is what really hooked me into the FTV Network. Of course they have him on early Saturday mornings. Wouldn’t want the brilliance of the Clown Posse to get lost in that crummy time slot!”
Actually, he was on later until he decided it would be ok to suffocate some baby chicks on a show he did. Needless to say, they moved him into another slot after that little episode. I personally will not watch him because of that.
He’s not the same charming bloke he used to be when he first got ‘famous’… he got quite stroppy with his last series JAMIE AT HOME… I won’t support him on his Jamie-Jesus kick… nah… he’s OK but he’s not THAT great… he used to be better back when he first started out… a lot of these people are like that, they start out “nice” but end up a-holes…
@Kim H – he did what to what? Baby chicks? What, pray tell, are you talking about?
@Kim H. Wha…? Was he planning to eat them?
Ok, I looked it up. Seems Jamie is an activist on the mistreatment of animals, so he had some baby chicks on his show, let the audience pet them, then at some point he killed them (the chicks, not the audience) and fed one of the chicks to a snake. This was his way of educating the public on the violent way feed animals are killed. Wow.
Jamie’s become an obsessed control freak.. he’s not like he used to be…
@Byrdie. Maybe his show wasn’t the best venue for that kind of activism though. Way to gross out/alienate your audience.
“This was his way of educating the public on the violent way feed animals are killed”
Yep. Nice huh? I get the stance he “tried” to make but how he did it just revolted me. He also electrocuted a rooster I believe.
It was too bad because I liked the premise of his show – showing one ingredient in different ways. I just can’t watch him now without feeling ill.
I’m on your side, Jun. It’s a little weird-o-rama for me.
Kim, good thing he wasn’t making hamburgers that day…
“Kim, good thing he wasn’t making hamburgers that day…”
LOL. Too true!
I’d like a recipe for those baby chicks. Maybe they’re like soft-shell crabs, you can even chew the tender little bones. I would hope there’s a pork sausage stuffing for them as well.
I personally would like Vegan’s fed to the snake, now that would be entertaining.
……yea, right after basting them with chicken fat and sticking a hot dog down their throat!!!!
This is soo funny!
add melissa here as well, I can’t stand her!
I love Jaime Oliver’s show more than ever!!! The PETA people can go over to “Christina Cooks like Stalin” on Create TV and get a recipe for Wheat Groat Soy content non Dairy Wheat-Loaf witha Soy Milk Gravy and Pomegranite Bathroom Tile Frog-Sprout salad side.
@Olive Loahf. Your latest posts are making me gag. Yecch.
Really, cuz I am rotflmao
Guy Fieri. Be sure to pronounce that you’re peddling pizzas in Naples. “Fee-ehdi,” my ass. Get over yourself, man. You’re not cool and your shows are stupid.
HAHA omfg
Did someone say the Neelys were being featured in a new Chefography ? I thought you neeeded to be a chef ?
Where were they chefs ? In a state prison ? Seriously.
If they are chefs, then I’m the new Shah of Iran.
“Did someone say the Neelys were being featured in a new Chefography ?”
I hope there will be a warning before the show airs that says: Some material may not be suitable for all audience ;)
The warning should also state that “some subject matter contains scenes that only 12 people in the United States of America really care about and is intended for Neely family members with cable TV only “.
My hope is that somebody else but me will watch it and then report back here. I can’t stand those two. For god’s sake, get a freakin room!
I can’t STOMACH the Neely’s and I can NEVER force myself to watch a single minute of their shows, they are disgusting.
@Byrdie. I caught like 3 minutes of their show today. As soon as Gina started to make the legs of a cornish hen dance, I changed the channel.
Just caught Chefography of Paula Deen. Can’t complain. What a life!? Bobby Flay’s Chefography just started. The announcer says, ‘Bobby Flay IS New York’. That was it!! I’m done. Hork!
Jun, making you gag was intentional. Just go ahead and spit.
Jaime Oliver electrocuted a Rooster? Seems like alot of work to me. When I make Coc Au Vin, I just get a meat cleaver whack the Old Cock on the neck, pluck it and rinse and cut it up. I’m a bigger fan of Jaime now, it seems like elecrocution is quicker and more modern.
But don’t tell Jun that, she may throw up on your kitchen counter.
I love watching Bobby Flay cook with Stephanie March. It’s so adorable.
Anybody catch Chefs vs. City last week? Doesn’t the premise seem really pointless? No prize except bragging rights, too.
I’m a big fan of Ina Garten, although the first time i saw her show “Barefoot Contessa” the words “Ina Garten” were in the bottom of the opening shot. I thought “Ina Garten” was swedish for “In the Garden”. So much for my ignorance.
What really cracks me up is at the end of all the Barefoot Contessa everybody starts laughing at the most improbable things… for example:
I added Kalamata olives….HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….HAAAA.HAAAA
That’s Guyere cheese on that tart….HAAAAAAAAAA…Ha..Haaaa
Do you really like it? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….Ha….Ha…Ha
That’s Belgian bittersweet chocolate!!! Haaaaaaaaaa…Ha..Ha
Whose gonna clean up? HAAAAAAAAAAAAA….Ha..Gay Ha Ha Ha!
Ina Garten being Swedish – BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!
After watching the “chefography” of Giada, I ended up feeling kinda sorry for her. Her childhood looked lonely and you really had to feel for her when she was just starting out. That being said, I wish she would remember her “love of cooking” and get rid of the superficial shit on her website….
“Anybody catch Chefs vs. City last week? Doesn’t the premise seem really pointless”
I did. It was dumb. Looks like another hit for FN!
Is it me, or are the Neely family guests Hostile? There are some serious negative attitudes going on here. They just don’t seem very pleased to be at the table. I think it’s the mac & cheese w/bacon and potato chip topping that murdered some of the other Rel-A-Tivs. Is it any wonder that the South has the biggest Obesity Problem?
I think it’s Fel-O-Ny not Fel-O-Neely
I watched most of the Sandra Lee Chefography. I think most of these are designed so we feel sorry for them.
The Chefographys are PR campaigns. Take them all with a spoon of salt, remember, these came from the same folks that brought you Sandra Lee and the Circus that is the Next Food Network Star.
I bet they even filmed Giada (did they mention that De Laurentis is not her true last name?) in front of some pots and pans.
And expect those pots and pans to be showing up at a Bed Bath and Beyond near you this holiday season.
Jun…You are you sniffing glue? Bobby Flay and Stephanie Starch adorable? So is eating raw chicken. Get a clue.
God Bless Jamie Oliver! Integrity…what a concept!!!
I’m surprised it’s not “Iron Chef America with Bobby Flay”
@ Olive Olaf: I’d be hostile too if I were constantly being reminded by my hosts that “This is MY house”, or “This is MY kitchen.” It seems to me that the Neelys say that a lot!
Robin Millers eyes.
o O
^
u
What about Ellie Kreiger who reads recipies like she’s at GNC< Vitamin,ABCDEFGH.
I think of felony when I think of the Neelys.
HUH?
It’s cool to joke about these FN shows and hosts, but dang, wtf kind of comment is this?
What does a felony (or crime in general) have to do with anything? They’re cooks/restaurant owners; who says they’re felons?
Jeez. Get over your brown fears and get real.
I love Giada, her giant marshmallow-shaped head and tiny squirrel hands. Perfect!
Ever notice they rarely film Giada’s profile?
What a Shnozz! And that big ass grin?
Whoa!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/R4fmscfKGPI/AAAAAAAAAkI/6OaNpG8eKsQ/s400/everydaycrazy.jpg
It’s enunciate, not annunciate. Funny stuff, tho.
“Is it me, or are the Neely family guests Hostile? There are some serious negative attitudes going on here. They just don’t seem very pleased to be at the table.”
I’ve noticed Gina making faces when Pat or one of their kitchen guests says something that she interprets as being negative about her. Gina likes to be the Queen Bee, that’s for sure! I wonder what Pat’s brothers really think of her ;)
I feel sorry for Pat. Gina has some serious power-trippin’ going on. I would Gibbs-slap her if I had to spend much time in her presence.
Has anyone thought Gina reminded them of Miss Piggy? She looks just like her (except for the fact Gina’s obviously not pink in skin tone)…
I just watched 1 minute of them, first time in a while, they were making a bananas foster type dessert.
All I have to say is their lovey-dovey crap has got to go. Who can stand a whole episode of this sugar coated dry hump? Goodness. They spend more time loving up themselves in front of the camera then actually talking about the food.
@Olive Loaf. We can agree to disagree then.
Jun, agreed. Your a good sport!
At last, found a site where people echo the observations I’ve had from 10 years’ worth of watching FN….thought I was alone with these thoughts, this is so much fun. Of particular hilarity: the postings of Klaus, Rod Labbe, Olive Loahf and Luz Stewels. You guys are just so entertaining, please keep it up. With regard to the Neely’s, I thought they were kinda cute the first couple shows, but soon their overboard showing-off (in order to ‘teach’ us poor ignoramuses how to have a happy, thriving relationship via the kitchen) is such a turn-OFF. AS IF nobody else gets frisky and flirty cooking with a loved one at home! PUH-LEASE! And yes, I’ve also noticed that whenever the kinfolk come around for the food (or friends), they seem so pained to be there.
…forgot to ask: can somebody tell me what happened to Ask Aida’s sidekick Noah? I watched her new show today and the little fella’s gone! Whatever will she do without his Guess-the-Gadget routine and inane commentary? Why not yank her off as well; her recipes are mundane, and she seems a bit ’stuck-up’ as they used to say in high school. She reminds me of the cheerleader/homecoming queen who’d smile at you and say hi in the hallway if you crossed paths, but you could tell she thought she was better than every other girl in school. Oh, I digress. What happened to Noah, anybody??
She was so snotty to Noah, she treated him like he was a dumb-ass every time. I don’t care for any of her shows and I don’t watch them, she’s too boring anyway.
Shhh…everyone! I am trying to concentrate here!
Aunt Sandy is on and she is making beer biscuits! (I guess Vodka biscuits do not work out very well??!!)
LOL
BTW, I have invented a new drinking game.
Whenever Giada says AAANNNDDDD and TTTHHEEENNN after a sentence, you must do a shot.
I counted 21 in this morning’s episode.
I absolutely love Giada. She is stunningly beautiful (smile and all) and makes preparing delicious meals look attainable for the average cook. Unlike Bobby Flay who comes off like some chef at a 5-star hotel. I like Sunny Anderson too. She’s a beautiful plus-size woman that actually looks like she enjoys a good meal. Her skin color takes your breath away. And that bubbly personality and inviting smile. Her use of language is amazing! I have not seen a Food Network Star yet who can both talk and prepare a meal at the same time with such skill!
You obviously haven’t watched Nigella Lawson.
Are you joking?
OMG! This is great!!!
Whoever gave Rachel Ray a show???? Does the country really lack talent? Does she have to scratch her head with her nubby fingers all the time on the Rachel Ray Show?
Who else thinks that Bobby Flay wears too much makeup on all of his shows? he also needs a bra!! What is that Bra that Georges Father on Seinfeld came up with?? The MAN BRA?
Why does Ina Garten have to laugh nervously at everything?? She really needs to think of working out. Jeffrey may just have someone else start making him brownies…
I agree with everyone on the Neelys needing a room. Give me a break!!! You can cook with your partner without wanting to “throw him down”
Congrats on your site. I love it!!
Bobby does need a bra and less makeup, for sure… MY GOD he wears like caked on makeup, STOP IT BOBBY FLAY!
Wow, I can’t escape the Food Network! Just went to a local fast food pizza joint, and who should be on the tube above the register but Ina, grinding spuds (”Yukon Gold,” natch) through that ancient looking torture device known as a “potato mill,” or whatever the heck she calls it. As I stood there, waiting to order, I caught a close-up of her turkey neck, and I don’t mean the one she was cooking. Ugh! You’d think, what with all their cash, that she’d opt for some time at a fat farm and suck off some of that blubber with lipo. But noooo, supposedly Jeffrey “likes” her just the way she is. I wonder if she ever suspects that he might be spending five days a week nibbling someone’s else’s chicken?
When I got home with my pizza, I turned on the set, and there were the Neely’s–him, with his painted on hair, and she, with her so-tight-you-know-she’s-gonna-explode tacky K-Mart “hot mama” outfit. All that jive talkin’ and booty shakin’ makes me want to revoke my vote for Obama! Is this what he meant by “yes, we can?”
Earlier in the day, I caught Paula, and she was cacklin’ like an old hen ready to lay the biggest egg in creation. And it was all because she was makin’ popcorn balls with her two sons. After putting together the lamest lookin’ popcorn balls in creation, she said it was “so much fawn,” and “I’d like to zap both of you back to bein’ little ki-eds.” Suddenly, a thought balloon popped up over Bobby’s head that read “Oh, please, God, don’t give her magical powers!” Can you imagine what torture those poor kids when through way back when? Paula, screamin’ at her bohunk hubby that he “drinks too much” (only a few beers, too–check out her autobiography) and refusing to leave the house. All the while wearin’ mumus and stuffin’ her face. And then she has the bright idea of sendin’ her two ki-eds out to hawk her food. What an embarrassment! I can only imagine how humiliated they were…plus, they had to face her wrath when they returned with soggy bags of butter cookies and no sales!
And here’s the kicker–Paula borrows money from her hubby, becomes rich, and then kicks his keister out!
I was gonna watch “Good Eats” tonight, until I realized Mr. Brown reminds me too much of my obsessive/compulsive uncle. Cripes, just make the food, for corn’s sake. Is there any need for the blackboards?
Rod
What the hell?
“When I got home with my pizza, I turned on the set, and there were the Neely’s–him, with his painted on hair, and she, with her so-tight-you-know-she’s-gonna-explode tacky K-Mart “hot mama” outfit. All that jive talkin’ and booty shakin’ makes me want to revoke my vote for Obama! Is this what he meant by “yes, we can?”
What does the Neelys–two random people in TN– fooling around in THEIR kitchen have to do w/ OBAMA? Your above quoted comment is so ignorant that I have to shine light on it. You just lumped an entire race together, including the current President of the U.S., based on one TV couple.
Phew! Ignorance sure is dangerous.
I feel sorry for Paula Deen’s boys growing up…
Ina may not be a beauty queen. Would you call Julia Childs sexy?
I’d call her Julia Child, for starters.
Is anyone else grossed out by hosts swinging their long hair around while cooking? Hygiene, people!
What about the nasty, unwashed hands (unwarshed, if you are Pawlllla Deeuhn)
“Is anyone else grossed out by hosts swinging their long hair around while cooking?”
This bugs me no end! WTF is FN thinking when they allow or encourage this? When I’ve found a hair in my food at a restaurant, I send the plate back! Doesn’t happen often because professional chefs/cooks know better than to let their hair dangle over the food they’re preparing. Major faux paux, FN. Dumm-o!
The Dueling Sandy’s
Semi-Homemade & Sandy’s new show “Cooking for Poor Folks”.
It’s a case study in Schizophrenia, Semi-Homemade is all about “convenient”/expensive store bought ingredients, 70% to be exact, with a parsley garnish and frozen mash potatos, boil-in-a bag rice, etc.
This was Sandy’s original shtick and it apparently worked very well in clicking with a demographic that either didn’t like to cook, was indifferent or just loved tacky table-scapes.
Fast forward to this global economic melt down. The old “Recipes for Poor Folks” joke becomes a reality channeled by Aunt Sandy.
Having dispensed with Dr. Jekyl (Semi-Homemade) we then get Mr. Hyde in the guise of Sandy the penny-wise savior in this Depression.
Semi-Homemade has now turned into…Foreclosure Time! Let’s trot out some recipes with the few bucks we have left before the Marshall changes the locks. Gone are all the “convenience items”, there’s no 70% budget left! It’s all 100% “Po-Foods”, and lotsa, lotsa work, work, work. 30% ground beef, 70% breadcrumbs that you made from all that lovely left over dry bread, one egg will cost you just 10 cents. Tally, tally tally and that Food Stamp card is gone, gone, gone.
What, no more tablescapes? Haul out the Christmas ornaments, plant the “lifelike” tree as a centerpiece.
To quote Bette Midler:
“Get into that kitchen
and rattle those Pots and Pans
And you better look pretty damn good doing it too,
or your going to lose a good thing…”
Cause Aunt Sandy still looks pretty (my grandiose opinion), and pretty darn brave too considering her sub-prime home loan has trippled and “Operation Repo” has just filmed her Kia Rio being towed away.
Plus, when her new series ends, she can fly to Rome with her girlfriends and Stoli and eat like a Dutchess while FNTV direct deposits a boat load of cash into her account.
“…What, no more tablescapes?…”
No more fru-fru cocktails, either. But, Aunt Sandy used a little beer in a fish & chip batter ;)
CherryRose
Not in the budget. By the way “Must Be Sandra” was hysterical, problem is…it’s locked in my brain now…:-D!
this is the best site…definitely bookmarking
This website has changed my life.
Heh, I mekkid a $10 dinner thing.
I brined my porkchops for about 4 hours ( Had no more time ) then I wiped them off (Washed my hands and such) then I grilled them for a surface (No I did no glaze em’, no sugar in salt) I after that basted and I braised em in wine and spices to accompany this I made a very soft potato mash and a mushroom sauce, minus prep and brine, I.e small dice and brunoise I think that could be done in about 20 minutes.
Since I have wine, cheese, porkchops, potatos, ham, salt, pepper etc at home, this technically really was a $0 dinner.
You think Paula Dean is bad with butter. In the beginning Ina Garten was just as heinous. Perhaps even moreso. True story, I once sw an episode where she made one stick of butter out of FIVE STICKS OF BUTTER!!!!
Amazing.
Question for everyone on Paula Dean. I’ve noticed that Jamie is rarely on Paula’s show anymore and when he is, he rarely speaks to her- just does the cooking and stays out of sight. Is this my imagination? Recently on one of her shows she mentioned that she had gone over to Jamie and Brooke’s for dinner and Brooke asked her “Paula, will you stay for cobbler?” Whoa, strange comment! In the South (or anywhere else) when you are invited to dinner you usually stay for the whole meal without an extra invitation. Also, Brooke calls her Paula instead of Mom or some other more common term. Sounds like they don’t get along. Maybe this is at the bottom of Jamie not being on the show often. Has anyone else noticed this? Is Jamie on the show because he has to be?
I also noticed that Brooke appears to barely hide her disdain for Paula. Even when they took that family vacation, it seemed like Brooke was there out of some contractual obligation. I found it odd that Paula did an after-the-fact show on what was served at the baby shower. I just haven’t decided if Brooke is shy or if she really does not care for her husband’s family.
I have noticed that too! However, Bobby seems like an easier-going person than Jamie. As for Brooke, she comes across to me as a pretty face with no personality whatsoever; I can’t imagine that she would be fun to watch on t.v.
But, I have wondered too if Jamie and Paula just don’t have the same relationship as she and Bobby.
It’s a fun site. People who think it’s offensive have no sense of humor. I’m pretty sure FN stars can laugh at themselves. However reading some comments left a bad taste in my mouth, you can really see that SOME people are hateful and probably only saying nasty stuff makes them feel better about their own pathetic lives.
Lighten up honey, these FN stars are probably crying all the way to the bank. Tears of undiluted joy over all that lovely lolly.
I doubt the FN stars would enjoy people taking the mick out of ‘em! lol I don’t know about anyone else in here but I do not HATE those people just because I’m talking shit about them! lol I don’t even KNOW them! I just know their shows suck! lol
I’ve just watched several episodes of Cake Boss, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Buddy Velastro is nothing but a big, fat, egotistical, prick.
`
First, every time he speaks, he always says things like I, or my. As if he’s the only one doing anything there, or coming up with ideas.
`
Second, there’s an episode on right now that just made me hate him outright. He… er, I mean his crew made a cake, and had some guy delivering it. The guy gets there, and finds that one of the walls of fondant had fallen off. So he calls Buddy, and tells him what happened.
`
What did Buddy do? Flew into a blind rage, blaming the DRIVER for his cake falling apart. Then he has the nerve to claim that his cake was so well built. Yeah, if it was so well built, WHY THE HELL IS IT FALLING APART IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
`
On top of all that, the show, and Buddy, are annoying as all hell.
`
I’d rather watch Ace of Cakes than this crap.
`
/end rant
Oh, something I forgot to add.
`
Buddy got his “revenge” on the driver by having some of his (Buddy’s) friends dump water and flour on him, then laughing at the poor guy.
`
I’d have punched him, then quit.
I enjoy watching Ina, good recipes, but her giggle needs help. I made some of Rachael Ray’s 30 minute meal recipes and they were pretty good, but lately she seems kind of stale. I like Sandra Lee, but her new show doesn’t do it for me. I did like the tablescapes as they did give you great ideas for decorating.
I think this is a great site and really enjoy it.
Rachel seems like she downright does NOT want to do 30 minute meals anymore, she doesn’t smile that much anymore and her voice is almost gone any way I guess from her throat problems… she’s probably sick of it, don’t blame her for that, it IS getting a bit old, they should shut that show down and she’s done enough of other “travel” shows and such… she’s getting played out and shouldn’t have a show anymore, she’s got enough other stuff going on anyway…
O M G!!! Duff Goldman just did some work. He air brushed something for about 5 seconds. My faith is restored!!!!
Love this website. I bow down to the amazing and hilarious commentary here…I can’t wait to talk more smack about Bobby How Many Ways Can You Grill a Pepper Flay as well as Giada Bobblehead DeLaurentis. My hatred has a home now.
Hilarious bio about Giada! Her arms are much too short for her body and not just her mouth is too large..her entire head is enormous. I could swear I saw Neptune orbiting around it.
I read somewhere that Giada is only 5 feet tall. I really think they have her standing on a stool or something, which would make her look totally out of proportion. On her show with the firefighters, I noticed that she and the fireman were about the same height in her kitchen. But when she went to the firehouse at the end of the episode, he towered over her.
Honestly, I really like her and her show. I think she makes decent dishes, using convenience products when a regular person probably would (i.e., Pillsbury pie crust, pudding mixes). She uses ingredients that I normally don’t, so it’s fun for me to try some of her stuff.
As far as FNH goes, I think the humor directed at her is like teasing your little brother; harmless but fun.
“Her arms are much too short for her body…”
Are Giada’s arms too short to box with Todd? :))
Freezezzy, I think you’re going way overboard about The Cake Boss, which is a show I enjoy. I’ve seen the episode you described, and he hardly went into a “blind rage” about the cake falling apart. He’s all bluster anyway, which is part of the show’s charm. And if you’ve watched it regularly, you’ll know that MOM is the actual boss, not Buddy.
Oh, and The Cake Boss is a TLC show, not a Food Network offering.
Great Site ! I like the legit chefs: Anne Burrell, Jamie Oliver, Chiarello’s technique etc. and enjoy Ina’s recipes (but the the nervous giggle has to GO ).
The Latina chick is SO ANNOYING. Have you ever seen her handle a knife? Shes gonna chop her frikin arm off at some point! What did they do pluck her off the street for her accent? SO SAD – THE PANDERING OF IT ALL….She has more pronunciation issues than Giada…….
AIDA – Why the plastic surgery? Your just a baby…..new lips already???/ Sad..
Hey are you really Anthony Bourdain pretending to be da God-fadda, or are you just a regular schmo pretending to Anthony Bourdain? ;}
Michael GAYarello… he can’t REALLY be married… what BS…
Giada only has shows on FN because of her family history.
Ann Burrell has turned into a nasty bitch on the new horrible Worst Cook in America, just like Alex G. did when she was a judge on Chopped (thank God they had enough sense to take her off that show!) Jamie’s not nice anymore either. Anthony Bourdain left FN just like Emeril did! lol
Who says Alex is off Chopped? Last I heard, she was filming Season Two.
I noticed the Anne Burell bitch thing on the new show. She is somebody who if she talked to me like that I would start a fist fight with her. I don’t do that kind of nastiness well.
I really like Melissa D’Arabian and was concerned she wasn’t on Sunday. I tuned in to watch her. Instead I got the obnoxious Brian Boitano, who thinks he is funny. He isn’t and nobody enjoys the over acting and hissing he does. I can’t even stand to watch his commercials. Melissa is a fresh new face with some fresh and revisited ideas. As for Jeffery who she beat out, he was full of himself, said she didn’t have a chance of winning because she isn’t a chef? Get hold of yourself Jeffery! And where is Emeril everyone’s favorite? He is the true king of Gourmet. Why isn’t he on more? Emeril is the reason I watched the channel in the first place. I love watching Bobby Flay,Ima, Paula Dean, Tyler F., Guy, and last years winner. They are true gems, but Brian?
“I really like Melissa D’Arabian and was concerned she wasn’t on Sunday.”
Melissa’s initial season of Ten Dollar Dinners has ended, but she will return with new episodes in January, 2010.
Brian Boitano must not have filmed many shows because yesterday’s was a rerun.
Emeril is on from 10:00 – 11:00 a.m. Eastern Time.
Remember when Sandy had the “Semi-homemade wedding”? I actually worked with a woman who thought that wedding cake was absolutely fabulous and wanted to make it for her daughter’s wedding as a “Gift”. That had to be the nastiest tasting thing I’ve ever had in my life. She brought samples to work and asked opinions on what we thought. It got two thumbs down from everyone. But she made it anyway, her daughter cried because everyone made fun of the “sugared grapes” and no one ate it after the first bite. Even the groom thought it was a “joke” cake.
@Sandyleeisicky, How awful. Sounds like a bad sitcom! That poor bride. Kinda funny though cuz it happened to someone else, but ohhhh, that poor bride!!!!
I did not even know this website existed, but…….LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!
I have never seen a season of any show with only six episodes but…..I was not surprised when Ten dollar dinner ended that way!!!! since Melissa D’Arabian did not belong at all. I’m positive that the new season that is supposed to premier Jan. 2010 is a re-branded new season, ”cause God knows she needs a new brand to make it on primetime tv!!!!
This is great stuff. I generally enjoy Food Network, but MAN it needs to be knocked off its perch every so often. They border on the chronically insufferable at times.
I often wonder if Sandra ever did a tablescape (a word that is forbidden in my home) sober; I often wonder if Sandra ever taped an entire EPISODE sober; I often wonder if Ina Garten isn’t really the real-world incarnation of the mean old witch from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons of the 50’s. I try to convince my wife she changes her husband into various inanimate objects before each show is taped, unless she needs to have him for a prop.
Bobby Flay, I’m convinced, just desperately needs a woman (and not his kitchen assistants), because not that many foods are so desperately in need of a southwestern makeover. And your assessment of Giada “My Mouth Would Be A Disaster Movie If We Could Find a Wide Enough Screen For it” Delaurentis is perhaps the single host on FN most desperately in need of a good, solid slap across the face.
And thank heaven for Alton Brown, the one glimpse of sanity in a network mired in its own self-importance, the true anchor of the network whose own clever self-deprecation and whimsy actually conveys more cooking education than the other 167.5 hours of Food Network programming combined (Yes, including the paid programming that runs at 3AM). Sorry, Alton, but you’ve lost too much weight, and when I saw your 10th Anniversary Good Eats show, I was aghast that you had been diagnosed with some hideous disease. I thought sure Ina Garten had put a hex on you.
This site is priceless. Wish I’d thought of it.
Kudos! I LOVE this site!! My family actually calls Giada “that possum lady” because of her pointy nose and HUGE smile. LMAO!!
Does anyone remember Tyler’s old show “How To Boil Water”? His co-host, Ms. Jack Hourigan, didn’t do anything but sit there and try to look cute while he did all the work.
“Aggie. Does anyone remember Tyler’s old show “How To Boil Water”? His co-host, Ms. Jack Hourigan, didn’t do anything but sit there and try to look cute while he did all the work.”
More like Tyler forced her to sit. The show used to be pretty good if you go further back and it was her and Chef Frederic van Coppernolle. There was a nice dynamic between them. Once Tyler took over you she would still help like before and then was only allowed to sit and watch. You could see the life go out of her and the show.
Regarding “How To Boil Water” memories….go even further back to when Chef Frederic cooked/boiled water with some comedienne funny lady (I don’t remember her name)but they were a fairly entertaining duo…circa 1999 or 2000 perhaps. Anyone remember her?
Personally, I love humor, a lot, but not humor that puts people down. I mean, like there isn’t enough dark and ugly stuff in the world already. Why make it darker? (Oh, it’s “funny,” that’s why. Silly me.)
I like most everyone on the Food Network, and of those I don’t care for, I’d rather just knock off the negatives and simply keep my mouth shut.
I thought this site would have some class, but if what little I’ve read is any clue, it’s too bad I was wrong. Man, have some fun and all, but get off the TMZ thing, already.
Humor is in a class by itself babe.
what?? no bio of Melissa D?
I wanna make fun of her in a BAD WAY!
Please! Oh my goodness! Please tell me you guys have more things to do with your time than park in front of a television just to ridicule the Food Network hosts? The time you waste sitting and ridiculing others on the things they do, you could be doing the damn thing yourself and finding ways of perfecting it. Too much talk from the “foodies” and not enough action to prove it.
But you are also wasting your time by coming to this website, taking time to read and respond in it…
We’ve already perfected it, Gothic, but thanks for your concern.
I love your website. Found it by accident after Googling “Paula Deen” & “furniture”. I thought my hearing had gone bad when the TV ad came on before I finished my a.m. coffee:) Hope I can stop laughing long enough to devour the rest of your site.
And for the record, watching Fieri’s huge mouth slobbering over everything 3-inches from the camera in closeup is disgusting. (Plus cameos of the flip-flops & dental work).
Maybe changing his name was at the request of his family.
Ha Yeah, like a modern-day remittance man!LOL
Just found this site and it is absolutely hi-larious! I have often thought most of the people on FN were not chefs at all but just people put on TV to cook shitty recipes. ESPECIALLY Guy Fieri. Look anyone that claims to be a chef would NOT try and reproduce the garbage at Applebee’s or TFIFridays. (cough, cough, Tyler, Florence)But that’s what you get from Guy I still don’t understand who it is that loves this guy enough that FN shoves him down the viewers throat at least 6-7 times a day. Thanks for not dissing AB, Alton is the only reason to watch FN most nights, he is very insightful when it comes to cooking.
[...] [...]
[...] Posted by BadGirl :bobblehead: Click on The Hosts [...]
i love bobby flay….
Bobby Flay is a true a-hole who’s trying to be reformed now, but he’s still a prick. lol
I sat here for like half an hour just reading all of these comments and it made me laugh so hard.
Alton is the only one on that channel I really really like. Hes smart, inventive, and funny. No lame stories about how he got to travel to Paris and ate this fabulous dinner that he then tries to recreate in 30 minutes.
Has anyone ever made Rachel Rays food anyway? Its so gross. Especially those burgers of hers. Yuck.
And Im so glad I wasnt the only one who noticed that Sandra Lee is a wino. Hmm, any coincidence her name is just shy of Sara Lee?
Just watched an episode of Emeril with his kid EJ or as he calls him EEEEJE..I am sure he thought it was a good idea until the camera started rolling, then it was like “who’s frickin idea was it to have this brat on my show”.
About Ask Aida’s dweeb sidekick Noah – he must have been dumped because someone at FN realized it was a bad idea…now someone needs to realize what is left is even worse. What a train wreck.
The Neelys and Sunny Anderson – an obious pandering to try to increase black viewership. Both shows are a waste of time with no talent at all. Same with The Latin chick – obvious pandering for the latino viewship.
The Neelys show is so cheesy! It has to go!!!
what is with all the cleavage on the shows with Giada and Rachel Ray? is it necessary for cooking? it is sexist,that is for sure. and please tell Giada to STOP SMILING so much. sheesh. I have seen enough of her back teeth to last me forever. Paula deen’s accent is grating on my nerves too. did any of these people ever see the inside of a culinary institute?
Please, I a so sick of seein’ boobs everywhere I go. I mean really, if I were into that I have a pair of my to stare at. One has no choice these days. I’ll be so glad when the boob-a-rama craze is OVAH!
Let’s not forget, they could also scald their boobs if their frying something! Then you’d have to look at scarred, pock-marked boobs.
haha I have seen enough of her back teeth to last a lifetime. OMG that’s f unny
Hahahahaaahahah! I work in a gourmet shop and have to watch The Food Network all day. I pretty much know the lineup everyday of the week. I’ve come to love some of the hosts, and on the other hand, really find some annoying. Nonetheless, all of this witty jesting is hilarious, regardless of my feelings about the target of your jokes. It’s funny because I’ve started to make jokes about the hosts to my friends and boyfriend, and it’s nice to find a few other people who watch The Food Network as much as me and find humor in it as well.
Just found this site, and wow am i glad!
I cook nonstop for a big family and FNW is a constant companion with me in the kitchen. Love lots of it, but damn is it nice to read that i’m not alone and see so many feel the same way I do about the same things. Im at home!
Hey OliveLoahf, just read “Aunt Sandy” and about pissed my pants laughing. more of that please.
I feel I have an obligation to make my first post, about the DAMN NEELEY’S. The only FNW show i’ll stop and change the channel because of. Holy shit. Who the hell are they talking to, a class of kindergarteners?
If I hear “Here comes the spice fairy” one more time (ever), I’m going to puke and walk into traffic.
Why would FNW think anyone wants to watch these two idiots slobber all over each other. One thing they gave me, even my Mother in Law finds them disgusting…. which finally gave us somthing in common.
The Neelys are disgusting, horrible, hideous, ignorant, inappropriate, illiterate, improper, nasty, vulgar, Gina’s rude and on a power-trip, ugly, and the food is not nice either. Terrible show. Again, how can FN not know how crap this show is?
I laughed so hard I started to cry after reading these comments. I love people with a great sense of humor. You know, I just have to comment on “the Neelys” too. I just can’t stand it when Gina does her ridiculous dance and goes “WOOOOOO”. It just annoys me so much. When it comes on I flip the channel. Can’t wait to read more.!!!
get the NEELYS off the air .talk about foni!getting paid for that ????? must be OPRAH footing the bill.i like Sunny ,at least her food is edible. i quit trying rac rays recipes they were all awlful!!!! is alton brown sick ?
Alton lost 50 pounds in 2009 and now he’s hawking about it (on his first episode of Good Eats for 2010). I hope there won’t be more shows about his weight loss– old quick! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww and he looks so gray and pasty now, the moles stick way out on his face, but at least they cut his stringy hair… that was horrible… I think he looks ill now too and they have to put tons of makeup on him now like Bobby Flay– ohmygod… they believe in SO much makeup on FN… I guess?!
Anybody know which of Paula Dean’s sons it is she drags out onto her show looking like he just woke up from a three day drinking binge?
BOTH OF THEM?! lol No, Jamie would be the drunk-good husband/son one and Bobby would be the closet gay one…
I just watched “Food, Inc.” In it, there is a large section about Smithfield, the company that Paula Deen is a spokesperson for. I was shocked to learn about their anti-union policies, how they hire undocumented illegal workers–and they actually go to Mexico to recruit them–but when the workers are deported, the company sits back and does nothing. Not to mention how Smithfield growers inhumanely treat the pigs that they painfully slaughter. I can’t believe that Paula Deen would support such an evil company. Food Network should cancel her shows. I am supporting a Paula Deen boycott until she comes out and denounces Smithfield’s inhumane practices toward its workers and animals.
Paula Deen could care less about the pigs that were killed for Smithfield Ham. She’s dirty filthy rich now and waddles around naked in her big ol’ house (ya’ll hear about that on one of her shows that her niece was a guest on?!) JEZUZ. That is a horrible thought, Paula naked in her yard and the guys in the shrimp boat saw her! OMIGODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
WOW! Anybody else see Paula Dean get smacked in the face by a flying ham! She tossed a ham out to some people during a special of some kind and someone threw one back to her face.
Sure hope she’s ok, but it was kind of funny.
Was that you throwing that ham Amy? Know you were pissed about the Smithfield thing, but dang.
sandra’s recipes are awful. she divorces well, though.
Someone actually married her?
How about ranking these folk in order of suck?
OMG,
This website is the best thing since “Vote for the worst” poke at fake ass American Idol.
Can’t say how much I hate Guy Ferry and his bleached blond hair. He should be hog tied to a chair and forced to watch repeat episodes of his own shows. Maybe then he would kill himself!
Tyler Florence has gotten FAT. Really fat. Emerald fat. Oprah 1980’s – 90’s fat. Ina Garten size. The only thing ultimate about his cooking is it’s ability to make heads expand and then explode.
Ina Garten and her rich Hampton friends make me want to hurl. Ina’s only “the best ingredients” comments that cost more than my mortgage and are only available in certain high end markets – ARE sickening. This over weight woman needs a reality check when ghetto fabulous viewers tune her in and say.
“My Nigga Stow don’t have no Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, only sh*t in a green can and cheeze whiz. And only imitation vanilla. Ain’t no ‘good’ vanilla in my stow.”
Anyways, this site is the bomb!
This is the BEST comment I’ve read so far! lol
giada has awesome boobs.
AGREED!!! 100% She annoys me because of how happy she is, and I’m not a huge fan of her cooking,, but I’m admitedly shallow,, she’s gorgeous!
OH MY GOD! Hilarious, more guys who think Giada is gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, etc., but what it’s REALLY about is her boobs… lol Too bad most people DON’T get the point… lol
I just found out Iron Chef Cat Cora is a lesbian,,, I’m crushed! I also just realized that Claire Robinson is HOT! So I guess there was an “ok” trade off
Poor Rich – lol. You must have missed all the hoopla about she and her wife exchanging embryos….
OH, OK, so my question got answered as to who is/are the lesbian/s on FN… so it’s Cat Cora, makes sense… although, don’t get me wrong, I could care less… just sayin’ it makes sense… I disagree Claire Robinson is hot… but I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder… she’s sorta cute and a little clutzy/ditzy/silly, but HOT?! Just can’t see it.. lol
I hate to get all copy-editory on you, but Giada doesn’t “overannunciate,” she “overenunciates.” “Annunciate” means something totally different.
Otherwise, fun site.
Why Why do you dislike Sandra Lee so much?
She is the best!!! I lOVE HER.
Please don’t take her off the air.
THE ONE’S MAKING ALL OF THESE COMMENTS KEEP WATCHING THE SHOWS DON’T THEY? Sorry bunch!!!!
@PHughes: Everyone respects your right to love Sandra Lee and obviously a LOT of America must feel the same way? I don’t understand why you like her and you never really gave us any reason?
I think of Sandra Lee as a 21st. Century cross between Martha Stewart and Sandford & Son. I say the following with no disrespect – Keeping in mind she works for the Food Network, I learn NOTHING useful or substantive to further my ability to cook. The reviews of her recipes on the FN site compare her to watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. (Go read for yourself!) If she isn’t personally responsible for her recipes then those in charge should be fired! The rare time that I watch her is only because nothing else is on, my sister is using my computer, and I entertain myself guessing at the combination of scripts and alcohol she is currently under.
Sandra Lee might be a lovely lady in person and do a million good things for less fortunate people that we never hear about… however, her show is about “image” and not “substance” and for that I have no respect for her.
My guess would be that people who like her show also like ALL of the following, Bud Light, American Idol, Survivor, Guns, Taco Bell, RV’ing, and Family Feud? I’m not dissing anyone, simply taking an uneducated guess. (Okay, I have a degree in Business marketing so maybe I do know a little?)
Sandra Lee branding is a part of the dumbifying of America and encourages people to use pre-process packaged foods under the guise that this is healthier than fast food. Her show is morally reprehensible, vacuous, and obtuse. If it wasn’t for raw, animalistic interest in tuning in to see how a meal and tablescape are derived from her WalMart coordinating outfit-of-the-day then I doubt she would still be on the air. If FN ran her show on Sunday morning at 6 a.m. between Benny Hinn’s fleecing of the lambs and Bob Isumi’s Fishing Show I would probably choose an anal probe by Guy Fieri.
Someone please tell us what we learn from her?
OH MY GOD, are you for REAL or is this a joke? I guess there still are Americans who are “ignorant” (and I don’t mean that in a critical way, just in the factual sense of the word)… do people still BELIEVE these scripted shows?! Do they believe these people DEEPLY care about them? Etc. Do the hosts know how many people are actually learning from them or can spend $175 for one bloody meal? Or even the “cheap” ones like Sandra Lee supposedly makes–even “fast food” is NOT that cheap (as she says it is), but not only THAT, people who ‘fall for the hype’ are exactly that “the faithful sheep” just blindly following these people on a TV programme… I find it surreal, all of it… it’s weird and the people and shows are bizarre, along with the corporates behind all of it (since they are the ones who select these “chefs” and promote them and produce these lame shows). However, when on occasion I watch one of these programmes, I will TRY very hard to “get something from it” (if I can stand to watch the whole episode). Such as, I will watch Giada’s newer show (At Home) because I like to see how they decorated her new house (clean style), but she’s played-out and they are obviously going to let her stay on FN because she “got in where she fit in”. These people are like robots (look what they’ve tried to turn The Neelys into?!) It’s a joke. All of it. But every now and then there might be a decent recipe, although I haven’t gotten one from FN in almost 2 years. So, I agree, I haven’t learned anything from any of them. I like to cook and I’m a good one, so I’ll stick with myself and probably what I learned from my Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, and my own creativity.
My sister went to Anthony Bourdain’s show, and he tore the Food Network a new one.
He’s arrogant, but he’s good…you’re right, like Dr. House.
Yeah, that is true, Anthony is like Greg House.. lol I agree Anthony was smart to stay off FN, so was Emeril to leave it… FN is like a cult or a Twilight Zone, it’s very weird, those people that “run the show” so to speak– BIZARRE! I guess FN is comparable to the AA slogan: “Take what you like and leave the rest”, but by now, there’s just not much left to redeem and find good with FN! lol
Weird thing is Scripps owns FN & the majority of Travel Channel (where Bourdain currently draws pay) — seems they would frown upon that.
I used to like Food Network a lot when it first came out. As an armchair chef, I found it interesting, and I especially used to like that show “Taste”…the host was sometimes annoying, but he used to do shows that were about the history of foods liek ham and pizza…before Alton Brown, who is the only personality that I still like.
I think its the memories of the early years that makes us laugh at fN now.
Couldn’t have put it better myself… I concur… (I’m still debating on AB, I hope he doesn’t turn into one of those “anti-fat/anti-food preachers” (like an ex-smoker who gets on the soap box), I hope they don’t ruin him on FN… the rest of ‘em can go jump in the lake as they need to “retire” lol
Anne Burrell should not get away so easily. Please mock her more often. I love FN…and I agree with a lot of what’s already been said (bios, comments, etc)…But Anne is HEINOUS!!! What’s with the stupid Muppet-like growling and sound effects? She looks and acts like a total tool. She is nearly unwatchable. I like the concept of her show, but couldn’t they have found someone less grating to host it? Thank GOD they let her host that upcoming train-wreck “Worst Cooks in America”.
Ann Burrell is hideous, the whole shootin’ match… when I see the likes of her and some of the others, I had to wonder WHY? Food Network, WHY? But now I know, they’re just ignorant and think this is what America wants to watch (and, as usual, take off the good shows), typical… ridiculous, ludicrous, and an insult to intelligent viewers…
Don’t forget to add to Giada’s bio that she surrounds herself with ugly friends to try to make herself look better. Also, she can add any Italian cheese or flat-leaf parsley to make a dish Italian. Example: Parmesan on sushi makes “italian sushi”, flat-leaf parsley in gumbo makes “Italian gumbo.”
OMIGOD I couldn’t believe the last time I saw Igor her brother on the show, his hair was like an afro-mullet! and all the rest, all the while Giada is making smart-ass cracks to almost ALL her guests, in one way or another, she always works in something to say which degrades, humiliates, puts down, makes them look less-than HER (the queen pseudo-goddess of Italian)… apparently she just can’t help herself?! She is so demeaning and condescending and a complete obsessive-compulsive-control-freak– you almost feel sorry for her husband and kid, but she puts on the loving/caring/mother/wife act– it’s such BS and she’s such a b___ , but REALLY! She tries to cover it up well, but it comes through… she’s selfish, and a brat. She’s boring and uses the same maybe 10 ingredients FOREVER. She’s deeply annoying and unintelligent, improper, not classy, fake, superficial, and “not all that” (as she thinks she is)…
Wow!! Really laying into Giada, there!!! But she does use the word “basically” too much…. roughly about 3 times a minute. Drives me nuts.
You forgot to mention that the other word Tyler Florence uses constantly in his show is “boom”. It drives me crazy! I watch his show like I would a car wreck, I just can’t stop watching, I’m intrigued to see how many times he uses the word “boom”.
Do we have a new drinking game here?
Tyler must guard himself against turning into the boring, fat, repetitive, “family guy”… lol (he used to be so cute, inspiring, friendly, convincing, excited, etc.)… I hope he doesn’t turn into just another fat old boring man… lol
This totally needs to be updated!
Big Daddy is ok, he has gold recipes. Rachelle Ray is on TV too much and the Neely’s do smooch a little too much, but, their’re ok.
somebody is gonna get killed by all the salt you people use on your network. all of you are pretty much doing good but i would like to see paula if anyone start using less salt, butter and everything else she overdoes. Paula, believe me, i know it tastes good, but eventually, it will kill us. Help us live and enjoy food. thanks!
I guess you don’t watch Paula Deen often enough to know that she often says she doesn’t eat that way every day…. don’t think she would still be around if she did. Most of her recipes can be modified and still taste really good.
I’m was born and live in the South. Grew up and live 30 miles from Tyler’s parents in Greenville, SC. Don’t know where he gets his “southern recipes” but we don’t eat like that. He adds many things to recipes that true southerner’s never have. Seems to want to make his southern recipes more complicated than they really are. Is he ashamed of being from the south and wants everyone to think we are more complex in our cooking that we are?
So funny! Thank you! I love your site
Read some of the posts here, just a couple of comments, 1, I don’t think we actually need a specific reason to want to shoot Sandra Lee. Then we wrap her up in the damn tablescape, along with her ‘recipe’ collection box, and dump her body in the far reaches of the Arctic circle. However Vodka does not freeze..
Now I do like Rachael Ray. But lately on 30MM’s she keeps talking about how you could ’substitute this’ or ‘this would be just as good without this’. Crap by the time the show was over I was confused on exactly what she was making as through the show she had come up with 10 other recipes that were now not even similar to what recipe it was she was cooking?!
And the Neely’s needing a room… Somehow I think the prefer to be ‘filmed’…
Has anyone ever noticed for Iron Chef to always have this ‘mystery’ ingredient they sure start those recipes in seconds. And all of them know exactly what to do without hardly talking. And then the dishes just so happen to turn out like 5 star restaurant recipes… Talent…
That’s because on “Iron Chef” the chefs are actually given a list of “mystery ingredients” so they can start planning…they know roughly what’s going to turn up there ahead of time. Plus, there’s a 15-minute design period that’s not filmed with the chefs talking with their sous-chefs about the recipes they’re about to create.
like others i too love the food network and its shows and its great to see that others have the same complaints about some of the people that i do i.e Giada and Michael.
Incredible work on the Contessa. It’s a life long ambition to get invited to one of those dinner parties and sit with Jeffrey. Think he has stories?
ditto. This is going to be a life saver for me. I need to vent every now and then and feel it is still safe to do so using this venue. I just passed a blogger complaining of the salt (too much) used by Paula and suggested a change. Just what I feared would happen here. The Food Nazi are out to take the fun and God given pure joy of stuffin’ one’s face when one feels like it and cheating on a diet every now and again. Butt out! You don’t like salt, keep away from it ! MYOB and let us enjoy life. Thank you.
I absolutely cannot stand that rich bitch Ina Garten. Please, Ina, rub in our faces how wealthy you are and how perfect your shallow, stupid f***ing life is. I hate to break this to you, Ina, but your view of yourself does not match your physical appearance. You look like you should be buying pork rinds and Mountain Dew at Walmart.
I loved your comments about the FN stars. I have got to put my own two cents in on a few, but not all:
1. Ina Garten: I like her. I must admit, some of her recipes, I will never be able to make because the next Whole Foods store is 40 miles away, but her voice is nice and pleasant and I don’t wanna throw anything at her. So she’s good in my book.
2. Alton Brown: I can’t stand you. You once dissed Sandra Lee for her telling you about a mole she had removed and while that may not be in good taste, I think she was trying to give you a hint that the one on your face is a complete eyesore! Also, you’re also a nerd.
3. Rachael Ray: I hate you so much that I like you. You make real food! And it goes to your ass just like fame has gone to your head!
4. Giada: At first glance, I thought you were the actress that plays Kendall on All My children. Just with a bigger head and mouth. Your recipes look delicious and easy, but if the tasting bites are the only bit of food you have for the day, then I’m not gonna watch you. And cover up for goodness sake.
5. Guy Fieri: This guy is not bad to me. I don’t understand what all the hype against him is. I am cracking up every time I watch DDD. I’ll pay good money to ride in that GTO with you the next time you go to Flavor Town.
6. Sandra Lee: So help me God, I will find you and kill you the next time I hear you say the words, “Save you money.” It makes my skin crawl. Cooking out of a box is not healthy.
7. Alex Guarnaschelli: Just look at her one facial expression in the opening credits of “Chopped.” Nuff said. And your ass. You are now nicknamed “Super Pear.”
8. Sunny Anderson: I just love this girl!! Real southern food without the annoying accent of Paula Deen. Only one thing. Have a better mise en place so you won’t have to walk over to the refrigerator cuz when you do, my eyes are glued to your thunder thighs. PLEASE work on that.
9. The Neely’s: The whole episode could be nothing but the two of you making out and groping each other, and you would still call it Shakin’ and Bakin’!
10. Duff Goldman: I’ll place an order for a cake if you promise to shave. I have seriously never seen anyone with a 5 o’clock shadow that starts at his eyes!
11. Tyler Florence: I don’t watch your show enough because it’s on when I’m working. But man, you don’t know what I’d pay for you to be in my bed one night.
Well that’s all I can do right now. I’ll think of more later.